The Cure

“My soul melteth for heaviness; strengthen Thou me according unto

thy word.” Psalms 119:28

 

As children growing up, Father would try to shame the “blues” out of us by saying, “Stop walking on your lip!” Jesus died that we might

know the joy of salvation, so for spiritual “lip-walking” let’s try ….

 

The Cure

 

Trust is simple when our faith glows brightly,

                Christ is real when feeling matches faith;

But feelings are as fickle as the weather,

                Despondency would hinder in the race.

 

Two weapons, God has given for bleak feelings–

                Guaranteed to bring the victory;

PRAYER and PRAISE – twin antidotes of darkness,

                When faith is low, just try them, you will see!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page. 

Return To Sanity

“The wicked are brought down by their own wickedness.”  Proverbs 11:5b

 

“Be sure of this: The wicked will not go unpunished…”  Proverbs 11:21a

 

Sometime during that week another meeting took place and another plan—one once rejected as too gruesome—was decided upon.

 

The following Monday evening the boys all had ball games scheduled—the twins and their team at one field, and Jon and his little team at another.  I was to end up with the guys that night which would leave Sally alone, in her vehicle, heading to an empty house.  It was supposed to be a violent car accident.  How stupid!  How did I ever convince myself that such a plan would work?  What about the other driver—another witness to testify against me?  There was the possibility of serious, debilitating injury rather than death—then what?  What if whoever got his times confused and the boys were hurt or, God forbid, killed?  What if?  What if?  So demented!  So insane!  So depraved!  I was all that and more, and I finally realized it!

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Navigate here for the Deception Home Page.

Go on to Chapter 28

What Am I Worth?

This thought was penned in the small hours of the morning on January 24, 2004.  At the time it felt as though the sentence would never end; that freedom would never again be realized; that my existence was pointless and futile.

And yet…………………….

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Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.  And even the hairs of your head are all counted.  So do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29

            What am I worth?  An often asked question.  Answers will vary from person to person.  Even with regard to one person, the answer will vary.  We are so affected by so many external influences and internal emotions.  We tend to view ourselves and evaluate our worth in the light of circumstances and perceptions of others.

At this particular moment in my life the answer to this question could be across the spectrum, depending upon whose view I adopt.

            What am I worth?

To the State of Tennessee, not much.  Worth only to be incarcerated and warehoused.

To victims of my crime, even less.  To them I have ceased to exist and, even sadder, they are glad.

            To my employer, the value of what I can produce, for as long as I can produce it.  When I cease being useful and productive, or when another can fill my shoes either more efficiently or more inexpensively, my value will drop immediately and dramatically.

To my family and friends, I am an embarrassment and, while they love me, they also distance themselves from me.  It’s less painful for them that way.

            So where can one turn to find even a semblance of self-worth and any sense of value?

Many will seek acceptance at the risk of the loss of their freedom.  Peers are fickle and will turn their back at the first hint of trouble.

Many will seek to escape the pain by diving headlong into a life of alcohol and drug use and abuse.  Anything to make them feel something – anything – other than the loneliness and emptiness that marks and characterizes their lives.

            Some will confuse worth with attention and will engage in random and risky promiscuity.

But, at the end of the day – at the end of each and every day – each of us is left alone.  Things, highs and passion only lead us deeper into the void and farther away from the true source of our worth.

Our Heavenly Father loves us.  Loves us so much He died for us.  So much that, even if each of us were the only one on the planet, He still would have taken on skin and sacrificed Himself so we could be freed from this futile and frustrating search for our worth.

He sees the ants in their colonies and cares for them.

He sees the pigeons that populate the prison where I live and cares for each one.

He sees me, as I work and as I sleep on the 21^st bed in the 17^th guild of the annex to one of the many prisons in this State.  And He cares.

            So the answer to the question, “What am I worth?”, comes down to the stark and humbling answer:

            His Life!

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For more Ponderings, click here.

Come Unto Me

 

“All my springs are in thee.” Psalms 87:7

 The highest yearning a heart can know is to be utterly possessed of God; to cry from the ashes of crucified self…

 

  

Come Holy One

Come, Holy One! With me abide–

                Possess my life, my hopes, my all,

To this end were You crucified;

                To this commitment Thou dost call.

Thou knowest I cannot attain,

                Or ever merit purity;

But my heart echoes Thy refrain,

                “All my springs, Lord, are in Thee!”

 

Come, Holy One! By sovereign grace,

                My life shall speak for Thee alone;

Nay, take my life, and in its place,

                My Lord, my Christ, my King enthrone!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page. 

Monday, June 11, 2001

“Whoever of you loves life and desires to see many good days, keep your tongue from evil and your lips from speaking lies.”  Psalm 34:12-13

 

“Do not grant the wicked their desires, O Lord, do not let their plans succeed or they will become proud.”  Psalm 140:8

 

By the next morning, I was worked up.  I was not just mad, I was furious!  I had paid a lot of money, forgiven a lot of debt, for something completely worthless.  How dare Wesley scam me that way!  I didn’t have any to spare, but wanted to give him a piece of my mind.  So I made the call.  No answer.  Voice mail.

 

Now I’m sure you realize that, at this point, only three beings in the universe knew about this:  Wesley, God and me.  If I had only stepped back from the brink that day, everything would be different today.  It would have been Wesley’s word against mine—no contest.  And surely God would have forgiven me, right?  But I couldn’t.  I wouldn’t.  I was possessed.  I was insane.

 

I left a message; not a benign, “call me” message; not an innocent, “sorry I missed you.”  No, I left a doosey—a full blown admission forever memorialized:  “the stuff didn’t work.  She’s alive!”

 

You’ll hear more about this later, but for now, suffice it to say that I sounded like a crazed killer.

 

I didn’t know it.  I was still walking around, going where I wanted, when I wanted, but, as I finished that message and terminated that call, my life—what was left of my old life—ended.  It would take a few more days for me to fully realize it, but from that moment on I was done.  Nothing I did mattered much at all.

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Navigate here for the Deception Home Page.

Go on to Chapter 27…

A Danville Connection – A Word from the Heart

A dear friend recently made contact through my Web Site.  Apart for decades and completely out of touch, she is overwhelmed by the story of my life laid out here.

But her words are redemptive, encouraging and eloquent – I hope she will forgive my sharing them with you.  They are too wonderful to pass up……..

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I have read every chapter you have written here and many of the blogs, letters and other information that you have posted. It will take some time for me to actually process it all more fully. It almost reads like a story of some distant character to me, and yet, I know this is you too. I am sure it has been both painful and therapeutic to cleanse yourself like this.

I knew you long ago, and in that confusing time of growing adolescence surrounded by parents and other adults who were finding their own ways while directing us, I choose to believe I at least knew a part of you. Just as you knew a part of me. Very rarely do we reveal ourselves completely to  others…especially while we are trying to determine who we are really…but I think we learn over time how to be authentic, with our imperfections and everything, rather than keeping them to ourselves and living in the constant torment that you describe here. I know some people keep up appearances all their lives and never release the hidden things to anyone. I am happy that you are to the point where you are dealing with these monsters — slaying them one by one. I do believe in deliverance! I do believe that we have to die daily to our flesh and walk in the spirit — it is not always an easy task. I do believe God can and will bring healing to your life — no matter what we have done, thought, acted upon, etc… He is faithful and just to forgive us, when we repent and turn from it. Keep doing that. I believe we have to renew our mind daily, thinking on what is pure, honest, just, of a good report, etc… and always bring our thoughts into captivity. Satan wants that idle ground to work with in each of us.

I am a little sad that you have no recollection of those goofy times at church camp, Alleluia choir, IMPACT Team, etc. and how much trust my own father had in you that he allowed me, his only daughter, to ride with you alone as we embarked to Colorado. All the girls I knew had big crushes on you. You may recall I seemed to have a ship in every port on that trip; that would prove to be evidence of something deeper lacking in my own life as time progressed (we all have our own demons to battle, flesh to die to, etc. and that is another story).

Your family was a big inspiration to my family and to the church. I value having those times in my life. I have some very warm memories of those Nazarene church days, even though life has taught us that things weren’t perfect. People turned out to be other than what we had thought or even expected, and yet, the message of God’s love, forgiveness, mercy and grace abides. It was the message, and not just the messengers.

I study the Bible and take an honest look at the people whom God uses — we make them saints — they aren’t so much that way in the Bible really. They are followers, but at times they too fall short and/or struggle. Life is messy, even under the best of circumstances. We are of this world remember, but He has overcome it. We need Him so that we can do the same.

You are telling your story…a testimony of restoration. I know that God is a God of restoration (restoring the years that the cankerworm has eaten — Joel 2:25). He has done it in my life. And continues to do so.

It is heart-wrenching to hear all the things you have gone through…the struggles, the despair, the dark times, the disappointments, and the sins that have gripped you in your life. But it is heart-warming to hear that you have returned home to your Father and that you are allowing God to use all those things for His purpose that the enemy meant to destroy you. That is what we must do I believe.

It is the enemy, Satan, who comes to steal, kill and destroy, but God can and does take what Satan meant for evil and turn it around for His Good. I could tell you the dark roads that I have traveled down, but that is for another time. Just know this — repentance brings us back to Him.

I applaud you for facing the things you have faced and continue to face and for writing about your journey, and I pray that you continue to be authentic with yourself, God and others. I could recite verse after verse and preach that stuff all day to you, but I know that you have that knowledge.

I believe we need more than knowledge; we need a heart for God. We need to take His Words and His Ways into our hearts, and focus our minds on those things that He has for us. I am not saying that it is easy — even with the strongest Christian relationship and firm support all around us. The enemy sets traps at every turn; he has strategies; he drags us onto the battlefield. We need to be prepared — put on the armor of God. Remember that Satan can only suggest it to us — we have the right to say “no” to him and his wickedness. We have the right to refuse the demons that come to us — no matter what they are.

I thank God that His grace is sufficient…but we get overwhelmed because we think about tomorrow and this and that and on and on. It’s just for today…right now…because really, that is all we have. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised — we only have this moment — and He sustains us in it. I am so thankful to hear your story and know that the “prodigal” has returned. I rejoice with the angels and your Father!

Please keep in touch.

I love you always

August 5, 2001

You’ve read a letter from this person before.  It was a scathing tirade that set me on my heels for a time.

And I couldn”t answer her letter right away.  The return mail would have been much too harsh had I composed it in that early frame of mind.  So, taking a page from the life-book of my father, I waited and let the intervening days cool my temper.  So the letter I sent her in reply was calmer and contained more humility than I thought possible given the recent events and her stinging words.

The Spirit had to have both prompted my words and prepared the way for her next letter was of a completely different tone.

Read it for yourself……..

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August 5, 2001

Dear Dan,

For my own conscience, I feel that I have to write you back and make a couple of “clarifications” myself.  I was very, very angry when I wrote that letter to you, although I’ll bet you couldn’t tell! HaHa!  Anyway, I feel bad for some of the things I said.  You said I probably “didn’t care to read a detailed explanation.”  Well, if you don’t want to that’s fine – that is your business – however, I do care, Dan.  Can you not understand how betrayed I feel?  I know my letter was horrible, but it did make me feel better!  Sorry….

The thing that really kills me right now is starting over.  I hate to say it, but you were the best boss I’ve ever had…..  Now I wonder if you gave us everything we needed (and more) because you valued us as your employees, or if it was for something else.

I don’t get it, but apparently I never will.  I don’t know if you snapped or if Satan got inside of you.  But I do pray for you, Dan.  And yes, I struggle with the very thing that you addressed in your letter.  I struggle with the fact that I’m supposed to accept that God loves the child molesters and the rapists as much as He loves me!  Of course, I haven’t lived the perfect life – you know that, but I haven’t ever deliberately harmed anyone else, haven’t killed anyone, haven’t cheated on my husband, etc.  So why does God love the people that do these things?  I don’t understand it.  One day you said that Catholics believe that they can do anything they want and no matter how bad, if they do into a confession booth and confess their sins, then they’ll be forgiven.  You said you had a real problem with that.  Well, what‘s the difference in that and what any other religion believes?  Don’t you believe that if you pray for God’s forgiveness then you’re forgiven?  What’s the damn difference?  I am so confused – maybe more than ever – about all of this!  And since I am confused and don’t understand, does this mean that I’m not a Christian?  I am asking you for your input.  Does God punish us for things we have done, do you think? …..  I’m just lost right now!

Anyway… although I do think you deserve to be where you are, I do hate that you are there and I hate that you chose the path that you did.  I pray for you and your family every day.

Take Care…..

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Confusion and self-doubt are hard things with which to live.  Questions about degrees of sin and how a Righteous God can – and does – forgive and forget the sins we commit, but the theft of the pack of gum, the running of the red light, the tax evasion and the murder.  All are sin in His eye and all can be covered by the blood of His precious Son.

I am thankful for the surety I have in this regard.  I am humbled by His provision for me.  I remain concerned over my friend and wonder how she is doing with her questions.

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For more of the Prodigal’s Mail, click here.

A Note from a Friend

She is one of my oldest friends – not chronologically speaking, necessarily, for I certainly have friends who were born long before her – but since I have known her since my early teen years, she qualifies as an old friend.

Recently, and after an extended silence – one that lasted twenty years – she read the posts on this site.  And while I don’t know about her initial reaction, her comment is worthy of sharing with you.

I have been forever moved reading of your plight and knowing that it all ends with mercy and grace being given out in abundance to you and your family.  What a mighty, wonderful God we all serve! I,too, have been in bondage of a different sort, but still imprisoned all the same.  Whenever we choose to serve someone other than Jesus, it does eventually become hell to us.  Your eloquent sharing prompted me to remember words He gave me several years ago…

I was bound when Mercy met me
I was enslaved and found release
It was Mercy, Love that met me
Broke the chains and set me free
Broke the chains and set me free

To the world, I will proclaim You
Precious Lord, I’ll shout and sing
That it was Mercy, Love that met me
Broke the chains and set me free
Broke the chains and set me free

Lord and Master, You are Mercy
Precious Saviour, You are Love
Bind my heart with yours forever
A servant to Your will above
A servant to Your will above

The Longest Day

“The messenger (from Joab) set out, and when he arrived he told David everything Joab had sent him to say.  The messenger said to David, ‘the men overpowered us and came out against us in the open, but we drove them back to the entrance of the city gate.  Then the archers shot arrows at your servants from the wall, and some of the King’s men died.  Moreover, your servant Uriah the Hittite is dead!’  David told the messenger, ‘say this to Joab:  Don’t let this upset you.  The sword devours one as well as another.  Press the attack against the city and destroy it. Say this to encourage Joab.’” II Samuel 11:22-25

 

It was the longest day of my life to that point.  Every second was a year; every minute a lifetime.  I sat with her through church waiting for her to collapse and praying she wouldn’t.  To and from the campground I must have seemed strange, as I waited for some sign, dreading the moment, steeling myself for the aftermath.

 

But, as I said, everything was perfect.  There was no effect.  God had protected her.  We all arrived home.  I was at once relieved, confused, frustrated and inwardly devoid of life.  What the chemical had failed to do to her physically, it accomplished in my soul.

 

I felt dead.  I was dead.  Spiritually, emotionally, in every possible way, I was empty and dead.  I had crossed a line.  I was beyond hope.

 

I was so far gone that I couldn’t even appreciate the reprieve I had received.  The web in which I was caught further constricted, and the downward spiral accelerated even more.

 

I was lost and desperate, which may explain the phone call I made the next day. 

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Go on to Chapter 26…

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Forty

Forty.

I never considered how many times that number was used in the Word.  And, as I realize it’s frequency of use, I wonder about its significance.  Is it simply a nice round number the various writers of the Bible used or is there more to it than that?

Personally I don’t believe God makes mistakes, nor is He ever surprised by coincidence or circumstances.  The God Who formed me so carefully in my mother’s womb, the God Who so meticulously laid out the blueprints of the tabernacle, the Author of the wondrous plan of salvation, had to have a reason for using this number.  There has to be some significance to it.

But what?

As a child I remember agonizing over the confinement forced upon me during a two or three day rain storm.  The desire – the need – to escape to the outdoors, to run in the grass and to feel the sun on my face was so intense as to make the three days seem like eternity.  So I can imagine old Noah, not just stuck inside, but stuck in there with that menagerie – and their aromas – as well as the in-laws, and not only for a few days of rain, but forty of them, knowing that, for each day of rain, his imprisonment would lengthen by twice.

Our Lord, on the threshold of His ministry, spent a long and hungry forty days in the wilderness.

The forty days Moses was on the mountain of God receiving the law proved too long for the Israelites who succumbed to the temptation to make a substitute for the One True God.

And these are the examples of “days”.  What about the “years”?

I think of old Moses again.  Divinely protected at birth, destined to be the instrument of deliverance for his people, jumping ahead of God’s timing and killing the Egyptian.  An act for which he was sentenced to forty years on the back side of a desert, no doubt frustrated and riddled with self-doubt and low self-esteem.

I think of the real children of Israel.  Those young souls who were underage upon their first arrival at the border of the promised land.  The children of that sinful and doubting generation who, through no fault of their own, were sentenced to forty years of wilderness wandering.

So, again I ask, what’s with the number forty?

I think it’s symbolic of patience.  Waiting on God.  Trusting His plan.

It’s Noah believing enough to build the boat and sit through the storm.

It’s the Creator wanting His children, the children of promise, the ones with the dust from the floor of the Red Sea still on their feet, to trust Him and wait.

It’s the youngsters plodding through the desert, eating miracle manna, drinking stone water, trusting God’s timing.

It’s the Son patiently dealing with the feeble attempts of the tempter, when He could have ended it all with a Word.

And it’s me.  It’s me being required to do twice the time normally required for the crime I committed.  It’s me being required to serve forty months – there’s that number again – when others with the same sentence leave after twenty.  It’s me being asked to be patient and trust that God knows best.

There’s certainly nothing magic about forty.  But God will reward patience and a deep rooted trust in Him.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

August 1, 2001

It is now my privilege to introduce you to my mother’s older sister.  This is the first of so many wonderful letters I received from this remarkable woman through the years of my incarceration.

August 1, 2001 Dear Dan:      I am reminded of the words of our Lord, “Let he that is without sin cast the first stone.” That statement has totally disqualified me to cast stones at the sins of others. Therefore this letter is written in love, forgiveness and without condemnation.      In my early twenties, I was brought to face to face with the stark reality that some of my heroes had “feet of clay”. I already had my personal, youthful doubts about the reality of the claims of the gospel, so I was an easy target when Satan used my disillusionment over the sins of others to entice me into experimenting with what the world had to offer. It’s a crafty game he plays with our minds and emotions in an effort to destroy everything that’s worthwhile, especially our faith. I chose to believe him when he said that Christianity didn’t work. He lies to us about everything and little by little leads us further than we ever intended to go. He led me to believe that by moving out of my sheltered upbringing, I could find success and happiness in the things of this world. It cost me my marriage to the father of my son and approximately 15 wasted years of my life as I wandered around in the world’s wilderness. However, let me hasten to say, I made my own decision to listen to Satan’s lies. I don’t blame others, who were also tricked by Satan, for what happened to me.      I reiterate this story for you now to assure you that God never removed His love and protection from me. Oh, He allowed me to suffer some devastating consequences of my unwise decisions, but He gently dealt with me through the pain I caused for myself and others, chastened me until I had thoroughly learned the lessons He was trying to teach me, and ultimately led me gently back into the peace and safety of His fold.      The way back for me involved a series of things that were required of me: 1.         Romans 12: 1 told me: “present your body a living sacrifice to God”. God had allowed me a measure of success and prosperity in both my business career by day and my music career by night. Sometimes the very things we view as blessings become our curses when we allow them to lead us down a path of self effort and pride (otherwise known as “independence from God”). He then showed me that “pride comes before a fall”. The “fall” was experienced through unhealthy relationships, heartache and broken dreams. When I reached the point I could no longer bear the pain, I presented my self to God in REPENTANCE and SURRENDER, which I have learned from experience is the only way to regain fellowship with Christ. 2.         At this point, I realized God still loved me, and that He had provided a redemption whereby my guilt had been completely erased. It was gone from my mind, my spirit, my attitude and my activities; it was forgiven and forgotten by Him and has never been remembered against me again. So my next step was ACCEPTANCE of this incredible gift of unconditional, forgiving, perfect love and to acknowledge that “there is therefore now no condemnation to him who walks in Christ Jesus”. The most freeing thing in the world is to understand that we have been totally delivered from our guilt and shame and to accept the fact that we are precious to Him. It causes the opinions of others to lose their hold over us, and we are free, indeed. To this day, there may be those who remember my sins against me, but since God doesn’t, then neither do I. I trust His Word and His Promise-I am clean! I am His precious, blood-bought child! 3.         Romans 12:2 told me “do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind”. Boy, did I need my mind renewed, and I learned this is not a one step, instantaneous process, but a commitment for the rest of my life. What this required of me then, and continues to require of me to this day, is that I live in His Word, as well as to fill my mind with other God-inspired, character-building, faith-­enhancing materials. It seemed to be especially transforming for me at bedtime when the subconscious mind is most susceptible to change. The way this discipline has transformed my life is nothing short of God’s wonderful miracle of redemption with which I have chosen to cooperate daily. (Everything is a choice-a decision we have to make.) At the time I started transforming my mind, it was a slow, almost imperceptible, process. But soon it became evident to me that God was using the material I was reading and studying to unearth, destroy, and replace the sinful, rebellious, embittered thoughts that had preoccupied my conscious mind and which had gradually taken residence in my subconscious mind, as well. Soon I began to realize a new kind of freedom from the old thought patterns and I moved from REPENTENCE, SURRENDER, and ACCEPTANCE to OBEDIENCE of Romans 12:2 in my daily walk with the Lord. 4.         Continuing in that transforming chapter of Romans 12, I found verse 3: “do not think of yourself more highly than you ought to think, but think soberly, as God has dealt to each a measure of faith.” In other words, I was to use my new mind for Christ in a spirit of humility and gratitude for my new beginning. This moved me into the APPLICATION phase of my recovery.      Now some 25 years later, I can readily testify that the new beginning I was given by God’s mercy and grace has restored to me “the years that the locust had eaten”. These redeemed years have been filled with joy and fulfillment. Although God continues to refine us (sometimes through painful circumstances), the on-going process of repentance, surrender, acceptance, transformation, obedience and application provide the close walk with Him on a day by day basis which sustains us and overrides all pain with His comfort and assurance. Earth’s bars have no power over the freedom of the Spirit that God provides when we reach the end of ourselves and trust Him completely with all that we are or ever hope to be. There are no mountains too high to climb, no rivers too deep to forge, no pain too great to bear if our trust is in Almighty God. (Proverbs 3:5-6: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not to your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths.”)      Your Uncle and I cherish you, Dan. You are precious to us. We share in your pain. We pray for you daily and our heart is there with you. Your Uncle asked me to express his love, compassion and concern to you. I have watched him grieve for you so I know how much he cares. I love you deeply,

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For more of the Prodigal’s Mail, click here.

Sunday, June 10, 2001

“In the morning David wrote a letter to Joab and sent it with Uriah.  In it he wrote, ‘put Uriah in the front line where the fighting is the fiercest.  Then withdraw from him so he will be struck down and die!’  So while Joab had the city under siege, he put Uriah at a place where he knew the strongest defenders were.  When the men of the city came out and fought against Joab, some of the men in David’s army fell;  moreoever, Uriah the Hittite died.”  II Samuel 11:14-17.

 

The kids were at the house, not at the apartment, not with me.  The church praise team, of which I was a member, was to travel to and play for the closing services of camp meeting.  Since we were to leave right after church for the campground, it just made sense to ride to church together.

 

Of course, this facilitated The Plan too.  At no time through that day would Sally be alone, driving with the boys, after ingesting the poison.

 

Everything was perfect, and as I write this five years later, I’ve come to realize and to thank God that everything was, indeed, perfect!  You’ll understand how that is meant in just a moment.  I had coffee.  I made tea.  I added the chemical.  And today I am horrified, absolutely disgusted with myself at how I sat and made small talk with my wife in those early Sunday morning hours as she consumed a substance I believed would kill her.

 

How did I get there?  How could I have done that?  I still look back on that morning completely mortified that I was so depraved that I was able to do that!

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Go on to Chapter 25…

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Tragedy

“He does not sweep away the lives of those He cares about.” – 2 Samuel 14:14

 

Tragedy had invaded Israel – even as far as the king’s own household.  A story pulled right out of today’s headlines – one of lust, incest, deceit, rape and murder.  And, finally, to complete the horror, an excommunicated son – the king’s beloved Absalom.  Banished for defending the honor of his sister.  In hiding to avoid his own death which the law demanded.

But, thankfully, this story has a happy ending.  And so does ours.  This story shows the depth and breadth of our Father’s love.  And the healing of this relationship between this father and son resulted from the devotion of a general and the acting ability of a woman.

Joab knew “how much the king longed to see Absalom.” (2 Sam. 14:1)  Maybe some hurt in his own life made him sensitive to this pain in the life of his king.  Perhaps it was simply his incredible sense of duty.

But whatever prompted him, Joab devised and implemented the plan to cause the king to realize just how dire the situation was and how easily it could be fixed.

We are not even told her name, but we are told of her reputation for great wisdom.  She plays her part perfectly, drawing the king to empathize with her before turning the tables on him.

Read the story.  Listen to her words as she instructs her king.  See the scene as, finally, the son is reunited with the father.

And realize the implications this story has for all of us as you read the woman’s words in verse 14.

“All of us must die eventually.  Our lives are like water spilled out on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again.  That is why God tries to bring us back when we have been separated from him.  He does not sweep away the lives of those he cares about – and neither should you!” (2 Sam. 14:14)

Scripture says that we have all sinned and fallen short.  This is probably more true of me than you.  But the beautiful fact remains that God, our Heavenly Father, while our sin demands excommunication and banishment, is standing, right where we left Him, arms outstretched, beckoning us to come to Him.  To come back to Him.

You see, He never moved.  It was our sin that separated us.  And it is our own guilt that keeps us away, causing us to feel we have to clean ourselves up before we will again be acceptable.

What a fallacy!  The prodigal son was embraced by the arms of his father before his shower – fresh off the road and just out of the pig-pen.

How much more will the creator embrace us – just as we are – if we will only relent, submit and obey Him.

Don’t punish yourself over past failures.  Don’t remain a foreign land due to your sense of self-imposed guilt.

God loves you!  “That is why [He] tries to bring us back when we have been separated from Him.  He does not sweep away the lives of those He cares about…”

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