Back to Prison – Part II

Dejected?  Absolutely!  How in the world was this happening….again? 

Confused?  Absolutely!  After trying so hard to do everything right, the lie of an unknown person – apparently someone with an ax to grind – instantly transformed a tolerable situation into pure hell.

But doubting? My faith isn’t as strong as Joseph’s for I did doubt and wonder why.

I was moved from the relative freedom of the annex to the main compound in Nashville, thrown into the smallest cell I have ever seen with one of the biggest men I have ever seen, given only the barest of essentials and left.

A friend went to the annex to pick up my belongings to discover that most of my “free world” clothes had been stolen by staff members.  Stamps were stolen by the mail room.  Phone calls disallowed.

For a month I sat, not knowing why I was there or what my future held.  Every mental picture of life after prison I had conjured during the preceding two years vaporized and I was left with only uncertainly and despair.

On the 33^rd day of this torture, I was shackled wrist and ankle and loaded onto a bus with forty others for the trip back to West Tennessee State Penitentiary – back to where I started all those many months before.  My faith was so weak but, since there was no choice, I started over again. The days were long and the nights were longer.  I was moved from cell to cell, subjected to one cellmate after another, always in a state of flux with no hope for stability of any kind – always fearful that the activities of one of those men would compromise my custody level and thereby lengthen my term.

I tried to secure employment to no avail, finally landing – by default – in the kitchen scrubbing pots and pans for six hours a day for twenty-five cents an hour. As it was with Joseph, the defining quality of these days was idleness, made all the worse coming from a place of responsibility. My nights were also consumed with wondering what was going to happen and why I had been removed from usefulness and productivity.  Every day was consumed with silent prayer asking why I was being punished when I had done nothing wrong.  No answer came but God’s Hand showed Itself.

Once again, God made me a success within the walls of the prison.  It started with the opening of a spot in a computer class.  A full year was spent learning the intricacies of Microsoft Office.  And, while I was well-versed in these applications from my former life, I learned much and the time was redeemed.

Spring of 2007, with the class done and having received the additional thirty days of behavior credits for completing a course of study within the prison, a position came open on the staff of the Disciplinary Board.  Just like the teacher’s aide position I had secured during my first stay at this facility, I was recommended by a couple of well-placed and trusted inmates, and so became an Inmate Advisor responsible for assisting fellow inmates navigate through the disciplinary process.  This was not unlike acting as a public defender; I enjoyed it and was successful.  With this position came a piece of paper – carried everywhere I went – that gave me access to any part of the prison, at any time other than count-times.  With it I moved unchallenged through the days, reporting for meals ahead of the general population.

During this time my housing situation changed for the better as well.  Another perk of the job was the ability to choose my cellmate.  I was able to spend the last fifteen months in the same cell, in the bottom rack, with cellmates of my choosing, one of whom I am still in contact with and have recently seen here in the free world.

God’s Hand was apparent but there was still the question of what about after?

You have already been introduced to Jack Massey earlier in this story and it was his idea, surely inspired by God, that took care of that pesky after question.

I don’t know why I hadn’t thought of it, for I had watched the broadcasts of this church’s services while housed in Nashville, but it was Jack who made the contact with this mega-church located three blocks from his house in Madison, Tennessee.  The fact that the pastor had served over a dozen years in a Texas penitentiary for murder resulted in an atmosphere of acceptance and assistance for former inmates that is unusual in the church world and completely unheard of in the world outside the church. More will be written of this in the next chapter.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.  (James 1:2-4) 

And so it continued: doing my job, succeeding under God’s hand, and carrying out my mundane daily tasks.  I am ashamed to report that my faith needed the boost provided by these movements of God.  I am also ashamed to say that there were desperate nights and discouraging days.  With the release date set, there was at least a vague image of life after prison forming.  I had a sense of expectancy again.

Then the appointed day came.  One day God’s plan of the work He had in mind for this phase of my life had been accomplished.  On that day God said, “Enough!”  One day all the pieces were in place.  One day the testing was over.

And on that day, I walked out of that prison and into the arms of my precious sons and only brother.  On that day I began the search for God’s purpose for the next phase of my life. 

These have come so that your faith—of greater worth than gold which perishes even though refined by fire—may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revered.  (I Peter 1:7)

In this life you will have trouble – I can certainly testify to that, trouble of my own making, consequences of my own decisions and actions have visited upon me in full measure. 

Upsets are inevitable – this is a fallen world full of God-lacking, self-centered people. How could there not be upsets?

Setbacks will occur – my story is full of them and I’m confident that there will be more ahead. 

Disappointments and heartaches are a sure bet – amen to that. 

But ­Praise be to the Father we do not have to be beaten up, beaten down, destroyed or depressed.  Jesus has overcome all that—we are victorious already. All we must do is realize it and live by faith.  And that realization coupled with that faith will change the world.

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Move on to the Postlogue…….