Don’t Be Afraid

Written by A Prodigal January 19, 2007

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Then he said, “I am God, the God of your father; do not be afraid to go down to Egypt, for I will make of you a great nation there.  Genesis 46:3

Don’t be afraid.  God spoke to Jacob, while was on the road moving his whole life to a strange country and away from the land of promise.

As the Psalmist would pray centuries later, God searched Jacob’s heart and knew his anxious thoughts. (Psalms 139:23)  And right in the middle of the night and the anxiety, God spoke those wonderful words: Don’t be afraid.

How many times has He done this for me?  For you?  Moreover, how many times has He tried but found us distracted or disinterested.  He wants to speak His peace to us in the very midst of our storm.

Will we listen?

Will we trust?

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For more Ponderings, click here

The 11th Son – Part II

 

I began working for the Agency, a branch of the Military Department of the State of Tennessee shortly after arriving in Nashville; January 27, 2004, to be precise.  After initially serving as a low-level functionary and technician in a position where my equipment calibration duties extended to include vacuuming offices and cleaning restrooms (perfect jobs for inmates in most people’s opinion), I was eventually moved into one of the five main directorates and assigned to the director of the division as an Administrative Assistant.

 

As the months passed, my list of duties and responsibilities increased, so much so that by March 1, 2005, I had been hired on as a full-time State employee with all the benefits that brings.  Not bad for a guy who returns to and sleeps at a prison each night.

 

I felt like I had arrived!

 

Since beginning my life in prison, I had been considering what life would look like upon my exit from behind the fence.  It’s not easy to find employment with a felony record.  And my situation was a bit worse than most since I had no real skill or experience in any field other than Law, and that door was closed forever.  I hate to admit I had been worrying about it, but how I would support myself had definitely been on my mind.

 

Now, however, after being hired in March of 2005, and satisfactorily completing my probationary period on September 1^st of the same year, I finally began to picture my life after prison as a State employee.  I finally felt I could mark that concern off the list of things to worry about.

Surrounded

Read 2 Chronicles 13

Any military strategist would have to agree – this battle could not be won.

The army of Judah, impressive in its own right, was overwhelmingly out-manned and out-maneuvered.  You would think four hundred thousand soldiers would be sufficient to win the day.  Any commander would feel confident – even self-sufficient – engaging the enemy with almost half a million men.

Well, you would until you arrived at the battlefield to find the opponent had two for every one of yours.  Eight hundred thousand men.  And not just in front of you, but behind you, sitting in ambush, as well.  What a sight that must have been.  How demoralizing.  Your vast army dwarfed.  Your sure victory snatched away.  What’s the use – let’s give up and go home.

That’s what we’re tempted to do, isn’t it?  The enemy shows up with its overwhelming resources and surrounds us.  They arrive with their promises and enticements and we suddenly feel weak and insignificant.  We believe it would be better to give a little ground than to be annihilated.

So we compromise.  We do give a little ground.  We drop back and try to regroup, not appreciating the slipperiness of that particular slope.  Not realizing that that was our opponent’s battle plan all along.

Let Me Be Still

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalms 46:10

 

This is God’s prescription for fretfulness! No rest or peace anywhere in all the world outside of Him, so ….

 

Let Me Be Still

Let me be still, dear Lord, and rest my soul in Thee;

Nor fret, nor murmur at the trials that come.

Thou hast permitted them, and so I must believe

They are Thy precious will, and Lord, “Thy will be done. “

 

Let me be still, dear Lord, and trust though it would seem

Prayer is a futile effort with a wound so deep;

I have an Advocate in Thee before my Father’s throne–

That Thou art praying for me, makes my trust complete.

 

Let me “be still and know” that Thou art God

Who loves me with an everlasting love, and come what may

Thou art my strength, Thy grace that saves will keep,

Though every mooring of my life be swept away!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Also, please subscribe below for weekly updates on this site.

 

Past Experience Determines Future Actions

It’s part of the human condition.  Unless there is a mental defect that causes us to ignore what has gone before, the things we experience tend to affect future decisions and actions.  We don’t touch the red-hot burner because we’ve been burned before.  We don’t speed through a certain stretch of road for we’ve been stopped there before.  We don’t take that deduction due to the audit it caused before.

And this is the way it should be – the way God intended that it should be.  The learning curve – while longer in some – is God’s way of teaching us the important lessons of life so we can avoid the pitfalls that have the potential to harm us.

But it’s interesting (at least to me) that, while we can remember not to clip that toenail too short (ouch!) or take that big swig of steaming coffee (ouch again!) or stick our tongue on the frozen flag pole (duh!), we don’t remember the faithfulness of God in the past when we’re faced with new challenges.  We are all poster children for forgetfulness and we all seem as geese and wake up in a brand new world every day, forgetting how He made a way through those deserts in our past.  We haughtily scoff at the poor children of Israel when we see them repeatedly turn from God at the advent of every new trial while we do exactly the same thing in our day to day living.

Just once I would like to be able to face down a trial and the potential for depression and despondency by pointing back to His faithfulness and deliverance and sustaining grace that have not just punctuated, but have characterized my life, especially of late.  If I stop to think about it, He has provided in such wondrous and miraculous ways through out my life.  He has protected me and the ones I love even as I was doing my best to destroy all I should have held most dear.  He was carried me through the deep waters and the long nights and has placed me in a place of safety and met all my needs when I probably deserve it the least of anyone I know.

And yet, just as the Israelite whose sandels were still dusty from the floor of the Red Sea voices his desire to return to bondage, I seem to face each new situation with dread and fear.

When will we learn?  When will I learn that He is able and willing so handle every situation and provide for every need according to His riches?  When will I realize once and for all that nothing surprises Him or catches Him off guard?  When will it sink in that He never thinks, “Man, I didn’t see that one coming!”?

Ouch and Duh.  Maybe next time………..

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For more Ponderings, click here.

Eyes of a Donkey

And Jehovah opened the mouth of the ass, and she said unto Balaam, “What have I done unto thee, that thou hast smitten me these three times.?” -Numbers 22:28

We sure are hard on each other. And, that being so, we are usually hardest on those who love us and who are trying to help us.

The donkey was getting a pretty good beating and her only mistake was being afraid. She wasn’t being stubborn, despite the proclivity of her breed. She wasn’t being willfully disobedient or even mean-spirited. She was just afraid. Afraid of what was plainly there in front of her and her master. Afraid of what had to be a fearsome sight – an angel of the Lord, sword drawn, standing in their path.

Blinding, pure, heavenly light piercing the eyes in broad daylight. Ten thousand suns barring their path. Who wouldn’t be afraid? Who wouldn’t turn aside?

I would.

          You would.

                    The donkey did.

But old Balaam was blind. Not physically maybe, but definitely spiritually blind. Consumed by his own ideas, wishes, plans and desires. He was blinded to the reality of the blocked path, the closed door, the dead end.  Sound familiar?

Recognize that description?

Look in a mirror. Do you see a blind man? A visually challenged woman? Maybe you see a donkey.  What’s it going to take to get your attention? A divorce? A bankruptcy? A prison sentence? Maybe a talking donkey?

That’s what worked for Balaam. Are you going to listen to the messages sent your way or are you going to be the donkey?

It’s really up to you.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

August 5, 2001

You’ve read a letter from this person before.  It was a scathing tirade that set me on my heels for a time.

And I couldn”t answer her letter right away.  The return mail would have been much too harsh had I composed it in that early frame of mind.  So, taking a page from the life-book of my father, I waited and let the intervening days cool my temper.  So the letter I sent her in reply was calmer and contained more humility than I thought possible given the recent events and her stinging words.

The Spirit had to have both prompted my words and prepared the way for her next letter was of a completely different tone.

Read it for yourself……..

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August 5, 2001

Dear Dan,

For my own conscience, I feel that I have to write you back and make a couple of “clarifications” myself.  I was very, very angry when I wrote that letter to you, although I’ll bet you couldn’t tell! HaHa!  Anyway, I feel bad for some of the things I said.  You said I probably “didn’t care to read a detailed explanation.”  Well, if you don’t want to that’s fine – that is your business – however, I do care, Dan.  Can you not understand how betrayed I feel?  I know my letter was horrible, but it did make me feel better!  Sorry….

The thing that really kills me right now is starting over.  I hate to say it, but you were the best boss I’ve ever had…..  Now I wonder if you gave us everything we needed (and more) because you valued us as your employees, or if it was for something else.

I don’t get it, but apparently I never will.  I don’t know if you snapped or if Satan got inside of you.  But I do pray for you, Dan.  And yes, I struggle with the very thing that you addressed in your letter.  I struggle with the fact that I’m supposed to accept that God loves the child molesters and the rapists as much as He loves me!  Of course, I haven’t lived the perfect life – you know that, but I haven’t ever deliberately harmed anyone else, haven’t killed anyone, haven’t cheated on my husband, etc.  So why does God love the people that do these things?  I don’t understand it.  One day you said that Catholics believe that they can do anything they want and no matter how bad, if they do into a confession booth and confess their sins, then they’ll be forgiven.  You said you had a real problem with that.  Well, what‘s the difference in that and what any other religion believes?  Don’t you believe that if you pray for God’s forgiveness then you’re forgiven?  What’s the damn difference?  I am so confused – maybe more than ever – about all of this!  And since I am confused and don’t understand, does this mean that I’m not a Christian?  I am asking you for your input.  Does God punish us for things we have done, do you think? …..  I’m just lost right now!

Anyway… although I do think you deserve to be where you are, I do hate that you are there and I hate that you chose the path that you did.  I pray for you and your family every day.

Take Care…..

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Confusion and self-doubt are hard things with which to live.  Questions about degrees of sin and how a Righteous God can – and does – forgive and forget the sins we commit, but the theft of the pack of gum, the running of the red light, the tax evasion and the murder.  All are sin in His eye and all can be covered by the blood of His precious Son.

I am thankful for the surety I have in this regard.  I am humbled by His provision for me.  I remain concerned over my friend and wonder how she is doing with her questions.

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For more of the Prodigal’s Mail, click here.

In the Dark of the Night

Darkness had settled over the earth.  Creatures of the night were creeping and those ashamed of their actions were lurking in the shadows hoping to avoid detection.  That’s when he sought Him.

            As families were gathering in from the day’s activities and responsibilities and the lamps were being lit all over town, he ventured out.    What a time to search out the Light of the world.

            So under cover of darkness, hoping to escape discovery by those with whom he associated, Nicodemas sought out Jesus.

            He had questions.  So he sought Him out.

            Now, before we begin to criticize poor old Nic too much, consider a couple of things.

            He did seek Him.  Have you sought Him?  Really sought after God and the things He cares about?

            He recognized that there was something very different about this Man.  Something in his heart stirred and a long slumbering hunger awoke within him.

            He used his God-given intellect to question Jesus in order to gain some understanding of these wonders of which Jesus spoke.

            Do you think God gets His feelings hurt when we question Him and wonder about the things that He allows to come into our lives?

            No!  I believe that God invites us to come to Him.  He wants – longs for – a relationship with us.  We shouldn’t doubt or allow our questions to negatively affect our faith and trust, but just as earthly parents long for conversation – even questions – from their children, God deeply desires conversation with us.  He wants us to see His heart.

            But we come back to old Nic.  The saddest part of the story is what we not told.  We never hear of old Nic again.  What did he do with the answers Jesus gave him that night?

            What have you done with the light that the Light of the world has revealed to you?

            Coming to Christ by night is quite alright by Him.  As long as you come – as long as you seek Him out.

            But then what?  Are you still ashamed of Him?  Do you allow others to see and experience the change he as brought to pass in your life?

            If not, was there ever truly a change?

            Jesus taught that a person doesn’t light a lamp and then hide the light.  The light is intended to be a blessing to all those in the house.

            And it gets worse.  If we refuse to acknowledge Him in front of men – if we are ashamed of Him here on earth – He will refuse to acknowledge us at the time of the most important appointment we’ll ever have.

            What are you doing with Jesus?  Do you only serve Him in the dark of the night, or are you allowing His light to shine through you and bless those around you?

            Allow your experience with Him to come out of the shadows and into the light so others may see the wonders that He has and will perform in your life.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

Because He Lives

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:4

 

Jesus has made all the difference in my life! From the hour He saved my soul, He has been unfailing in His love and goodness.  In trial, He has strengthened and sustained me; in sorrow I have leaned upon His everlasting Arms to find comfort and renewal.  I am undeserving of His special care, but life would be insupportable without it. When my little day here is ended, I shall go to live with Him forever ….

 

Because He Lives

 

Because He lives, my darkest hour shall hold no terror;

                His healing balm shall soothe my keenest pain.

Beyond life’s toilsome road, I glimpse that fairer,

                Eternal City where my Lord doth reign!

 

Because He lives, my earthly cross shall be, tomorrow,

                Transmuted gold in His redemptive crown;

His Hand shall wipe away all tears of sorrow

                When I shall finally lay my burdens down!

 

Because He lives, there is no death–just parting

                At some bright crossroad ‘neath the setting sun;

Because Christ lives, eternal life imparting,

                I shall behold His Face when day is done!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

His Mother

“But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.” Luke 2:19

Before Bethlehem, no religion of this world offered hope for depraved humanity. Mary couldn’t but know the human race was starving for a Redeemer and endeavoring to subsist on vain philosophies, fine arts, and pagan religions which left the race without inner peace, and victory over self and sin–because she was ….

His Mother

On that first Christmas morn
When our Saviour was born
In the stable in old Bethlehem,
Did the dear mother guess
That the Child at her breast
Would die to redeem sinful men?

Did she know that her Babe
In the crude manger laid
Would one day suffer our shame?
Did she think as she kissed
Each sweet precious fist
That men would reject His dear Name?

Could she glimpse in her mind
All the sick, lame, and blind
His divine touch so wondrously healed?
And each sin-burdened soul,
Through the ages made whole–
Were these to her heart all revealed?

Could her eyes see the Cross?
Did she reckon her loss
As she gazed on that life just begun?
Yes, I think that she knew,
And smiled, knowing, too,
When she gave to the world God’s dear Son!

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 For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Following

“Then all the disciples deserted Him and fled.” – Matthew 26:56b
“But Peter followed Him at a distance….” – Matthew 26:58a 

     At least he was following.  Peter was the big mouth – remind you of anyone you know?  He had big ideas and plans.  “Boisterous” described him to a tee.  Ready to go.  Anywhere – anytime.  Just ask him.

     As Jesus was finishing the Passover meal and outlining the upcoming events, Peter broke in with his extravagant promises.

     “I’ll follow you all the way.  You’ll not get rid of me. No Sir.  I’ll go with you to the death.”

     Remember?  Again….remind you of anyone?

     Then came the garden scene.  With sleep in their eyes and half-finished yawns, the little band of disciples is confronted by the Romans, Jewish religious leaders and Judas.  I can imagine the scene.  Jesus is so very calm, cool and collected.  Of course, He had the advantage – He knew what to expect.  The poor disciples were caught completely off guard.  Rocked back on their heels.  And, after Peter’s brief venture into the unknown, wielding a sword, an action which earned him Christ’s rebuke and had to have further confused the man, the disciples just seemed to melt into the night.

     So as the ear falls and the blood spurts and the guards recover from their paralysis of surprise, the mighty eleven scatter.

     Now Peter catches a lot of grief due to his following at a distance and the denial, as well he should.  But at least he was following.

     What about you?

     Fast forward a few days.  The scared, confused, disillusioned ones are fishing.  They didn’t know what else to do. Their whole world had just been shattered.

     But this morning was different.  The stranger on the beach who was no stranger.  The huge haul of fish that had been just over the side of the boat all night long.  The smell of fish cooking over an open fire.  Forgiveness awaiting the tired, humbled men.

     And the same question, asked three times that were really three very different questions.

     Peter’s answers.  The restoration.  And the statement, “Upon this rock I will build my church”.

     Do you see it – the significance for us?

     The Bible says that all have sinned and fallen way short.  That “all” includes Peter.  That “all” includes us.  But, thanks be to God, our Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ, we don’t have to stay “fallen”.  Regardless of what has gone before, we can be forgiven. We can be a Rock.

     “For I know the plans I have for you…..”

     The past is the past.  No amount of anguish or self-punishment can change it.  But with Christ’s help, in His strength, we can have a hope and a future.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

When He Reached Down His Hand For Me

I remember as a child just six years of age accompanying my father to Pittsburg on a business trip.  I was thrilled to see all the sights of the big city, the tall buildings, the big trucks, and throngs of people everywhere. 

But my delight soon turned to FRIGHT as Dad parked the car and we started to cross the street in the middle of the block to a nightmare of traffic.  Fear must have covered my face, because Dad reached down and took my hand, and guided me safely across to the other side. 

My father was not an affectionate man, for I never remembered him ever touching me or holding me other than that one incident.  BUT I HAVE NEVER FORGOTTEN, NOR WILL I EVER FORGET THAT SPECIAL DAY IN MY LIFE WHEN I WAS SO AFRAID, AND MY FATHER REACHED DOWN HIS HAND FOR MINE!  Since Dad is gone now, and I am grown, my HEAVENLY FATHER has reached down His hand for mine so many times when I have been desperate and alone.  I have remembered the Psalmist David saying, “When my mother and father forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.”  Psalm 27:10

     So Dads, reach out your hand of love, forgiveness, and understanding to that son or daughter and make an everlasting memory for them!  Please do it in Jesus’ name.

                                          “As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.”  Joshua 24:15                      -Pastor Bill

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During my years in prison, my father wrote articles for his monthly church newsletter.  They each touched my heart, and those of the members of his church during that time; so much so that I want to share them with you.  May God continue to use the words of my father to minister through these pages and this medium.

God Provides

Abraham said, “God himself will provide the lamb for a burnt offering, my son.”So Abraham called that place “The LORD will provide”
Genesis 22:8, 14a

     A scene in a movie always jumps to mind when I read this great story.  Indiana Jones is standing on the edge of a great and seemingly bottomless chasm.  He needs to cross this span to complete the journey on which he has embarked, but there seems to be no way.  At one point we think he’s going to try to jump it using his own strength – how he does most things in those movies.  But he realizes just how futile that attempt would be.  Ridiculous to think he could cross that distance.  He’d have to be Superman.
     Finally he pauses for a moment and then quietly, if timidly, steps out on faith.  And just at the moment we all think he will plunge to his death, a bridge, hidden until that moment, appears to bear him across the distance.
     At the last minute.
     I can’t imagine the faith it took for Abraham to bind Isaac and lay him on that altar.
     How many times in our lives have we stood on the edge of a precipice, wondering how we would ever cross?  How many times have we contemplated our eternal predicament and fretted over how we would ever satisfy the Holy God with our puny little selves and our flawed and inadequate attempts?
     How many times have I visualized myself in the place of Indy and wondered if my faith would be stout enough to tap into the limitless resources of my Heavenly Father.The bridge is already there.  The provision has already been made.
     Truth produced and performed a song a number of years ago with the hook line of, “Step out and the bridge will appear.”  So true.  God wants – even demands – our faith and trust.  He’s standing there with the bridge in place waiting to see if we trust Him enough to step out when all we can see is the chasm.
     “God, I trust in your faithfulness to change both my attitude and my circumstances.”

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For more Ponderings, click here.

First Night In The New House

Rather than simply getting ready for work as normal on the morning of November 14^th, I finished packing the last few remaining items of personal belongings still in the motel room, checked out of the place, and said goodbye to the second “home” since leaving the prison.  And as work ended that day and I made my way to my little house in the little town, there was an anxiety I had not felt since the early days in the prison. 

You see, I had gotten used to the prison – become a bit institutionalized, if you will.  I had gotten accustomed to the small room and the toilet at the end of the bed and the sounds of another person in the room.  I had come to need all my belongings within sight and reach. 

Even the two motel rooms were not that much different.  All my stuff was still within sight and reach and there were other people around.  I could hear them through the walls and upstairs. 

Now, however, I was faced with seven rooms, no other people on the other bed or on the other side of the wall and I was anxious.  Not that good anxiousness, like when you can’t sleep on Christmas Eve, or on the last day of work before a vacation.  I was afraid.  For the first time since being shipped to the prison, I was afraid. 

With no beds – no furniture of any kind – I stayed up as long as I could, putting off that moment when the lights would go out and I would be alone in the dark.  When I couldn’t stay awake any longer, I made a pallet out of two borrowed sleeping bags, covered up with a Memphis Redbirds stadium blanket, and drifted off.  I slept fitfully through that night, waking with every passing train and at every creak in the strange house I now call home.  

It occurred to me at some point through the night, that for the first time in seven years, with the exception of the Harley – at the shop – and a few remaining boxes at a friend’s house – everything I owned was under the same roof.  

The process continues. Some of it is fun and exciting. Some of it scares me to death.