Kindness

Written by A Prodigal January 16, 2007, from the prison cell.

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“But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him kindness….”
Genesis 39:21a

Even in the darkest days, I’ve always been able to trace God’s hand in the situation, showing His kindness to me.  Joseph was a man of integrity doing what was right even when it was unpopular or met with disapproval from those around him.

And though his integrity landed him in prison, we know that this was all part of the Divine design – a stepping stone to the palace; a proving ground for young Joseph to be taught the lessons he would need later.

May I always be such a man of integrity.  Though my past is marred, my future can be marked by God’s presence and kindness.

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For more Ponderings, click here

My Trial

“For he made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.” II Corinthians 5:21

 

The Son of God made atonement for the sin of the world upon His death on the cross, yet before He made that supreme sacrifice, He underwent that ignominious, farcical trial which was….

 

My Trial

 

He suffered so, my Saviour, in those hours of woe–

                ‘Tis onerous for us to vaguely know

                Salvation’s crucial cost;

But He, the precious Son of God,

Whose footsteps to the judgment trod,

                Faced that cruel, unreasoning mob,

                And then the Cross!

 

The High Priests knew, and Pilate reasoned too,

“I find no fault in this just Man, I vow!”

                And taking water, he began to wash his hands,

                To cleanse his guilt, but in that awful land

He washes them through endless ages, and

                No doubt, he washes now.

 

The question comes: WHO was on trial that day,

Before they led the Son of God away?

                And as I kneel and questioningly pray, the answer comes;

                Not Jesus, not the Holy One so fair,

                Was being tried by vengeful sinners there,

But those High Priests, and Pilate, yes, and-l..-

                Was tried before my Saviour went to die!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Also, please subscribe below for weekly updates on this site.

 

 

Jesus Wept

Tears are not a sign of weakness, for the strongest Man who ever lived wept! He knew the utter desolation of loss by death; the bitter disappointment of rejection; “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” — yes ….

Jesus Wept

(John 11:35)

 

My Jesus wept; not only at the tomb

                Where Lazarus, His friend, lay cold in death,

But I am sure that often in the gloom

                Of lonely nights of prayer my Saviour wept.

 

He wept for every grief that down the years

                Would cause our hearts to bleed at utter loss;

He wept to share each burden of our tears–

                But through them, He saw victory at the Cross!

 

My Jesus wept! My Saviour, and my Lord!

                Oh, may no callous pride destroy the spring

Of my heart’s love that fosters sweet accord–

                That humbly weeps, and pardons everything!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Also, please subscribe below for weekly updates on this site.

Dad – Part II

Years later, as a senior in high school, I was caught breaking the rules—at this point I don’t remember what I’d done—and was, as customary, sent to my room to await punishment.  On that day, however, my father turned the tables on me.  He lay across the bed and made me spank him.  I never forgot that and, for quite a few years after that, strictly adhered to the rules of the house.

 

More years passed.  Pastorates came and went.  The evangelistic field was entered and left.  My college days morphed into law school days.  Then the bomb detonated.  My father’s life of deception was exposed in an instant and nothing was ever the same again.

 

While in the midst of a revival in Kirkwood, Missouri, my father—not for the first time, I discovered later—stepped to the pulpit to preach completely intoxicated.  Feigning an illness, he excused himself and returned to his hotel room.  Unlike the other instances, however, several of those in attendance that night were physicians at and employees of a alcoholic treatment center located there.  They recognized the problem, confronted my father with their diagnosis, and graciously offered to provide treatment if he would only consent.

Forgiveness

“But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.” Mark 11:26

To be forgiving is to prove that my heart has been made perfect in love, for His love for me has been undergirded with His divine….

 

Forgiveness

It has been easy to lay my mistakes and my sins

At the foot of the Cross, and to find victory;

But the failure of others at times have evoked

A struggle beyond comprehension for me!

 

    

This morning, I knelt at my Saviour’s dear feet–

Pleading His grace for my burden and pain;

And stooping, He whispered, “My child, I forgave

Thy sins and thy failures again and again!”

 

    

The mercy of Christ, I beheld like a thread

Of lustrous gold in my life’s tapestry;

And through scalding tears, I whispered to Him,

“My Lord, I forgive, just as Thou forgave me!”

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

…including Peter

“….including Peter…..”  (Mark 16:7)

           

It had been a rough week for Peter.  For the one Jesus had dubbed “the Rock”, the events of the past ninety-six hours had been the sledge hammer.  He was a broken man.  Smashed to pieces against his own good intentions.

He had protested at the foot washing Jesus had performed.

He had brashly proclaimed his willingness to go through death with his Lord.

Feeling guilty over his inability to stay awake in the garden, together with his proclivity to act before thinking, he sliced off an ear and received the rebuke of the One he was attempting to protect.

We can almost hear him think, “I just can’t do anything right.”

Then, to compound all of that, when the rubber met the road he faltered.

He failed.

Did you hear that?  He finished what he had started….making a complete mess of things.

And, when the rooster crowed that morning and his mind’s eye replayed the scene and he heard once again Jesus predict this failure, he was done.  Finished.  Humiliated.  Embarrassed.  Done!

Brashness was gone.

Self-image destroyed.

Hope of recovery shattered.

Peter, the Rock, became Simon the fisherman again.  Resigned to a life of mediocrity and obscurity – a failure.

But Jesus had others plans for Peter.  Plans that required – even demanded – his brokenness.

Jesus saw the potential where the world saw failure.  Jesus saw promise where Peter saw only denial.  Jesus saw the foundation of His church while Peter was resigned to pulling and mending nets.

So, on Easter morning, it was no accident that the angel at the tomb specified Peter by name.  At the mention of “disciples”, the women would have naturally included Peter.

It wasn’t for fear of them forgetting to tell Peter.  It wasn’t for Jesus’ sake or heaven’s sake that his name was called.

It was for Peter’s sake.

You see, Peter didn’t feel much like a disciple that morning.  As far as he was concerned that designation had been forfeited, once and for all, around a fire three days before.  A commission for the women to go and tell the disciples would not have drawn Peter to the meeting.

So his name was called.  His was the only name called.  He was the only one who had denied the Christ.  He was the only one whose temperament would not allow him to forgive himself.  So he was called by name.

“Make sure you tell Peter,” the angel said.

Imagine how Peter felt when he heard that heaven had called him by name.

Have you heard your name called?  Do you think your failure is greater than Peter’s?  Do you think you’ve been too bad to be forgiven?

Forget it!  Jesus loves you and is calling you by name.  He has plans for you.  Plans to prosper you as you work for Him.

Repent of your sins.  Genuinely apologize to the God of Heaven and Earth for your failures and then forgive yourself – He’s already forgiven you – and move on in service to Him.

“Now go and give this message to His disciples, including ______.”  Your name goes here.  He died for you.  He lives to make intercession for you.  He loves you.

And that’s enough!

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For more Ponderings, click here.

Failures

“As far as the east is from the west, so far hath He removed our transgressions from us.”  Psalms 103:12

 

Where I have fallen, I shall stand; where I have been defeated, I shall be victorious–for the Blood of Jesus covers just now all my sins, and all my ….

 

Failures

 

How comforted our hearts would be

                If we could truly say

That we had never failed our Lord

                Since we have known the Way;

That we had never faltered

                At the sacred task at hand,

Or cringed before the giants

                At the gates of Canaan Land.

 

But if our sins are covered

                By the Blood of Calvary,

And all the failures of the past

                Lie buried in God’s sea,

Then we can lift the shield of faith,

                And passing through the foe,

Possess the land of corn and wine,

                Where blessings overflow!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

August 5, 2001

You’ve read a letter from this person before.  It was a scathing tirade that set me on my heels for a time.

And I couldn”t answer her letter right away.  The return mail would have been much too harsh had I composed it in that early frame of mind.  So, taking a page from the life-book of my father, I waited and let the intervening days cool my temper.  So the letter I sent her in reply was calmer and contained more humility than I thought possible given the recent events and her stinging words.

The Spirit had to have both prompted my words and prepared the way for her next letter was of a completely different tone.

Read it for yourself……..

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August 5, 2001

Dear Dan,

For my own conscience, I feel that I have to write you back and make a couple of “clarifications” myself.  I was very, very angry when I wrote that letter to you, although I’ll bet you couldn’t tell! HaHa!  Anyway, I feel bad for some of the things I said.  You said I probably “didn’t care to read a detailed explanation.”  Well, if you don’t want to that’s fine – that is your business – however, I do care, Dan.  Can you not understand how betrayed I feel?  I know my letter was horrible, but it did make me feel better!  Sorry….

The thing that really kills me right now is starting over.  I hate to say it, but you were the best boss I’ve ever had…..  Now I wonder if you gave us everything we needed (and more) because you valued us as your employees, or if it was for something else.

I don’t get it, but apparently I never will.  I don’t know if you snapped or if Satan got inside of you.  But I do pray for you, Dan.  And yes, I struggle with the very thing that you addressed in your letter.  I struggle with the fact that I’m supposed to accept that God loves the child molesters and the rapists as much as He loves me!  Of course, I haven’t lived the perfect life – you know that, but I haven’t ever deliberately harmed anyone else, haven’t killed anyone, haven’t cheated on my husband, etc.  So why does God love the people that do these things?  I don’t understand it.  One day you said that Catholics believe that they can do anything they want and no matter how bad, if they do into a confession booth and confess their sins, then they’ll be forgiven.  You said you had a real problem with that.  Well, what‘s the difference in that and what any other religion believes?  Don’t you believe that if you pray for God’s forgiveness then you’re forgiven?  What’s the damn difference?  I am so confused – maybe more than ever – about all of this!  And since I am confused and don’t understand, does this mean that I’m not a Christian?  I am asking you for your input.  Does God punish us for things we have done, do you think? …..  I’m just lost right now!

Anyway… although I do think you deserve to be where you are, I do hate that you are there and I hate that you chose the path that you did.  I pray for you and your family every day.

Take Care…..

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Confusion and self-doubt are hard things with which to live.  Questions about degrees of sin and how a Righteous God can – and does – forgive and forget the sins we commit, but the theft of the pack of gum, the running of the red light, the tax evasion and the murder.  All are sin in His eye and all can be covered by the blood of His precious Son.

I am thankful for the surety I have in this regard.  I am humbled by His provision for me.  I remain concerned over my friend and wonder how she is doing with her questions.

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For more of the Prodigal’s Mail, click here.

Tragedy

“He does not sweep away the lives of those He cares about.” – 2 Samuel 14:14

 

Tragedy had invaded Israel – even as far as the king’s own household.  A story pulled right out of today’s headlines – one of lust, incest, deceit, rape and murder.  And, finally, to complete the horror, an excommunicated son – the king’s beloved Absalom.  Banished for defending the honor of his sister.  In hiding to avoid his own death which the law demanded.

But, thankfully, this story has a happy ending.  And so does ours.  This story shows the depth and breadth of our Father’s love.  And the healing of this relationship between this father and son resulted from the devotion of a general and the acting ability of a woman.

Joab knew “how much the king longed to see Absalom.” (2 Sam. 14:1)  Maybe some hurt in his own life made him sensitive to this pain in the life of his king.  Perhaps it was simply his incredible sense of duty.

But whatever prompted him, Joab devised and implemented the plan to cause the king to realize just how dire the situation was and how easily it could be fixed.

We are not even told her name, but we are told of her reputation for great wisdom.  She plays her part perfectly, drawing the king to empathize with her before turning the tables on him.

Read the story.  Listen to her words as she instructs her king.  See the scene as, finally, the son is reunited with the father.

And realize the implications this story has for all of us as you read the woman’s words in verse 14.

“All of us must die eventually.  Our lives are like water spilled out on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again.  That is why God tries to bring us back when we have been separated from him.  He does not sweep away the lives of those he cares about – and neither should you!” (2 Sam. 14:14)

Scripture says that we have all sinned and fallen short.  This is probably more true of me than you.  But the beautiful fact remains that God, our Heavenly Father, while our sin demands excommunication and banishment, is standing, right where we left Him, arms outstretched, beckoning us to come to Him.  To come back to Him.

You see, He never moved.  It was our sin that separated us.  And it is our own guilt that keeps us away, causing us to feel we have to clean ourselves up before we will again be acceptable.

What a fallacy!  The prodigal son was embraced by the arms of his father before his shower – fresh off the road and just out of the pig-pen.

How much more will the creator embrace us – just as we are – if we will only relent, submit and obey Him.

Don’t punish yourself over past failures.  Don’t remain a foreign land due to your sense of self-imposed guilt.

God loves you!  “That is why [He] tries to bring us back when we have been separated from Him.  He does not sweep away the lives of those He cares about…”

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For more Ponderings, click here.

July 22, 2001

During the early days of my incarceration, shortly after I re-committed my life to the Lord and received His forgiveness, I wrote out my story.  It was in very rough form and was certainly nothing of admirable content or talent, but I felt the need to get it out.      I sent this draft to my Dad.  Of all the people in the world, he had the ability to truly empathize with me.  He had already proven his love by driving a thousand miles to pray for and hug me in those first horrific days.  He had already expressed his forgiveness as we wept and prayed that day in the visiting room of the jail.      Now he would know the whole story – the only one so far.      I received this letter in return.

 

July 22, 2001 My Dear Son,      I received the manuscript late Wednesday eve… What a story!  And what courage it took to write it!  No greater relief than to get totally honest – with yourself – others and God!  I, too, have been down every rocky, dead-end road and am acquainted with total failure and shipwreck.      I’m sure my reaction to this is much different than your mother’s.  I have thought of her through this and can only imagine her shock.  I have prayed for her and Jerry everyday – also the others…..  According to your brother, your wife and children seem to be holding up, but they are all suffering a pain that will not go away for the rest of their lives.      I know your feelings of isolation, desolation and desperation.  Five lockups in treatment centers and general hospitals, halfway houses, and rescue missions for periods of from 30 days to 6 months.  Six months in Rick’s church basement.  Six months in a boarding house, etc.  After staying in the Hyatts and Hiltons and Embassy Suites over the years and driving plush cars and wearing new clothes and eating the best food – what a disaster!      I felt like filthy, greasy rags on the floor of an old abandoned garage, forgotten and worthless.      But someone was there all the time.  I just didn’t know.  The Lord had me surrounded by His special instruments.  “God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform.”      I was bottomed out in an intensive care unit in Nashville Veterans Hospital – borderline brain convulsions – tubes, wires, etc.  I kept thinking of you boys – how I had hurt and disappointed you.  My pillow was soaked with tears and I was all alone.      I started quoting the words (out loud):           “God uses best the broken things            The contrite heart – the battered wings            Of our poor selfish pride –            Ah, yes, and even scars we hide,            He blesses for His own.            If in the breaking I might be            A better vessel Lord for Thee            Then crush my stubborn will,            And all of self that lingers still;            Anoint my eyes that I may see            A vision of Your plan for me            ‘Til Thou shalt call me home.”  (one of Mother’s poems)      A nurse was standing nearby and heard me – she rushed to my side and asked me to quote those words again.  She got a piece of paper and wrote them down and exclaimed, “It’s just what I needed.”  And left the room.      I’m thankful He led me into AA with people with my problem that could identify.  God used those people and I was not alone.  Five years at the Harbor and four years teaching at the hospital enabled me to help others which helped me stay on track.   September 8th will be 11 years of freedom from that addiction that destroyed my ministry, my marriage and the trust of all who have ever known me.  I owe it all to God’s love working though people.      I’ll write you again.  I have been very sick.  I love you….always!  Always!  Always! Dad

 

He had been there and he knew.  By God’s power working through him, he had overcome his addiction and had lived to help others and further the Kingdom of God through his work.      That was my father’s prayer for me over the next seven years and was one of the last things on his mind as he died.      He is in Heaven and my prayer is now that his prayer will be answered – that I be used of God and that this ordeal through which I have come will not be in vain but be beneficial to those who need to find their way to their Savior.

July 18, 2001

Two days after those beautiful and heart-healing words from my mother, I received two letters.  Both were straight to the point and written from the hearts of the authors.  Both were candid and free of pleasantries.  But they were written from very dissimilar points of view.  One was constructive and redemptive.  The other destructive and caustic.  The writer of the first has a firm grasp on the limitless capacity of a Heavenly Father to forgive the sins of His children.  The other sadly confused on that point. Read them for yourself and you’ll see what I mean……….

 

July 18, 2001   Dan,      I am writing this letter to you to tell you something and to ask you something.  The only time I visited you while you were in jail was the day after your arrest.  Since they would only let two people in, I deferred to Lynn and Tim and waited on them outside.  It has taken all of this time for me to come to grips with everything that has happened, and I suppose that is why I have stayed out of touch with you.  I hope you will understand when I say that I was very angry when I learned what you had done.  It was all revealed that day at my home when they arrested you.  I don’t think I will ever forget the look on your face as you were sitting on my deck.  Because of all the police cars, I had quite a bit of explaining to do to my neighbors.  Neighbors who thought that Sue and I had been fighting and had to be separated with so many police further added to my anger.  What you did ultimately brought shame to me and my family.  My friends and neighbors understood and all is well.  Another thing that I gave considerable thought to was the fact that all the time I knew you, I did not really know you.  You see Dan, I always looked up to you.  You were the one constant solid rock that I could depend on.  The faithfulness that you showed is what got me back in church where I belong.  Now, there is no doubt where I will spend eternity.  As I said, I always looked up to you.  I knew that it would be almost impossible for me to be like Christ.  I thought that if I could be like you that I would be almost close enough to touch Him.  Needless to say, when all of this came out, my picture shattered before me.  The deceptive life you lived invalidated everything that was between us.  I felt as though our friendship meant nothing.  This left me quite empty.  After considering all that had happened, I broke down and did what Jesus was telling me to do.  You are still my brother in Christ and I forgive you.  That doesn’t make me anyone special, however it helps me cope with things because I am doing as a Christian should.  Truly, from my heart, I forgive you.      The only problem remaining was how I was going to ask you what I must ask.  Yes, I prayed about it and God told me to forgive you, however, when He told me to forgive you He also told me to ask you something.  Dan, all this time has gone by and this is the first communication from me to you.  Despite the fact that I felt you had invalidated our friendship, you were still my brother and I failed you as a Christian.  I should have been there for you as Jesus was, but I was not.  Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?  Please think about it.      I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust you again.  Trust is something that has to be earned.  This will take a considerable amount of time.  I pray for you everyday.  My prayer is that you will repent and turn to God.  You know what is out there for all of us.  Please do not spend an eternity paying for what you have done.  Get your heart right with God and everything else will fall into place.  You have made some very bad decisions and have done some horrible things.  Be thankful that we are the only one who weight things.  God will forgive right away and Jesus is waiting to intercede for you.  If you have not already done so, don’t wait another minute.  Get things right with God right now.  You never know what is in store tomorrow.      You still have a long road to travel.  I am constantly praying that you will do the right things. Yours in Christ, David Harrison

 

July 18, 2001   Dear Dan,      I heard that you were complaining about not receiving any mail or visits from anyone.  I’m sure that I’m not one of the people that you wanted to hear from, however, I need some “closure” as I’ve been told, so I’ve decided to write.  You may not want to read all of this, but I need to write it, though I don’t know where to start.      First of all, you obviously have no idea what this has done to everyone.  To me, you weren’t just my boss for 6 years.  You were someone I respected, I cared for like a friend, and most importantly, you caused me (almost daily) to question my religion and my faith.  Our beliefs are very different, obviously.      What I would love to know is if you think you’ve going to Heaven?  Are you a Christian or not?  It seems to me that you really aren’t but hid your real self behind your religion.  Is that accurate or not?  I can’t believe that at some point a long time ago you decided that someone other than your wife was more important to you than your career, your children, your brother, etc.  You have hurt people in a way that you may never know, Dan.   You have hurt me deeply.       …..I think that you believe in your heart that you are above everyone, including God.  The God I worship would never forgive your sins.  Especially the one where you have used His name and your religion in vain for so many years.      …..I truly hate that you are there in jail, Dan, but you deserve to be there for a very long time. Helen Perkins

 

Two friends.  Two angry friends.  Two friends who had the right to be angry. But two very different approaches to dealing with the anger.  One was redemptive – the other resentful.  One forgave – the other held the grudge. I understand the anger.  I appreciate the forgiveness.

Because He Lives

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:4

 

Jesus has made all the difference in my life! From the hour He saved my soul, He has been unfailing in His love and goodness.  In trial, He has strengthened and sustained me; in sorrow I have leaned upon His everlasting Arms to find comfort and renewal.  I am undeserving of His special care, but life would be insupportable without it. When my little day here is ended, I shall go to live with Him forever ….

 

Because He Lives

 

Because He lives, my darkest hour shall hold no terror;

                His healing balm shall soothe my keenest pain.

Beyond life’s toilsome road, I glimpse that fairer,

                Eternal City where my Lord doth reign!

 

Because He lives, my earthly cross shall be, tomorrow,

                Transmuted gold in His redemptive crown;

His Hand shall wipe away all tears of sorrow

                When I shall finally lay my burdens down!

 

Because He lives, there is no death–just parting

                At some bright crossroad ‘neath the setting sun;

Because Christ lives, eternal life imparting,

                I shall behold His Face when day is done!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Ruts

The sign on the side of the old dirt road was simply written and to the point.  It was a warning sign, but most likely placed there by a local and intended to lean away from the serious and toward the humorous.  It read “Be careful which rut you choose.  You’ll be in it for the next five miles.”

I smiled as I read the sign but soon found out, to my dismay, that the author of the warning knew what he was talking about.  The road, obviously susceptible to frequent flooding, was indeed but a series of deep ruts that stretched out lazily into the distance.  Some were deeper than other and most likely formed by the farm equipment used in the area.  Others were more shallow and kinder to the suspension of my car.  I took the advice offered on the sign, chose carefully and made it through with nothing but a stiff neck and a slightly battered hubcap to show for it.

For years afterward, it was nothing more than a cute story to relate to friends and family.  But my life has taken a turn, and with that turn, the humor of the sign and the cuteness of the story have turned more serious.

I have come to believe that life is but a series of ruts.  Few of us will ever live a life where every day is filled with adventure and excitement.  For the most part, our lives are predictable and, at times, even mundane. We educate ourselves.  We hire ourselves out for a wage.  We marry.  We raise children.  If reduced to it’s lowest common denominator, each of these are ruts we run in as life progresses.  Of course, this is not necessarily a bad thing.  All of the endeavors listed are admirable and worthy of our attention and commitment.  Deep fulfillment can be found in these ruts.

But there are other, less acceptable, ruts in which we seem to find ourselves sometimes – even ruts we make for ourselves and then regret later when it’s too late.  Poor decisions, impulse control problems, failure to properly discipline ourselves, and the unwillingness or the inability to control our appetites and wants can place us into deep ruts from which there is no escape.  Even the loving and kind and forgiving Heavenly Father will ofttimes allow the consequences of our actions to unfold upon us, even as He forgives and prepares our place with Him in the next life.  Decisions have consequences and those ruts can be long and relentless. 

Even the good ruts can become bothersome and a chore if we fail to maintain a vital and continual relationship with God.  Only He can give us the ability and the desire to love others when they are not very lovable and to deal with the circumstances of life in a positive and engaging way.  No marriage is a bed of roses and every child has the potential to cause a parent heartache.  Bosses can be a pain and the very normalcy of life can be taxing.  Without God, we just tread water, churning through the days.

Ultimately, our choices determine our ruts.  And our attitudes – the only thing over which we ever truly have control – determines whether we are miserable or joyful as we travel.  Joy can be found in the ruts of life.  Fulfillment can be found in the mundane.  Usefulness can be discovered again after failure.  God is the God of second chances and, for those that love Him and seek Him with their whole heart, He can use even the ruts of life to bring us all the good He has for us.

 

July 2, 2001

I was arrested on Father’s Day in 2001.  Not one of my proudest moments.  It was frightening, intimidating, overwhelming and alienating.      My Dad drove thirteen hours – one way – through the night to be by my side and hold me in his embrace as I wept on his chest.  In that moment standing there with my father’s arms around me I knew that somehow – someday – all would be OK.      As it would happen, my precious mother – already suffering the effects of the devastating Alzheimer’s that would eventually rob her of even her ability to express herself verbally – wrote the first letter I received after my arrest.  This letter watered the seed planted in my father’s arms that day.      God could and would forgive.  God could use this horrible moment in time for good – both for me and for others.      God could make a way………

 

July 2, 2001 My Dearest Son,      I know this is belated but I have been trying to get my wits together.  I’m still not sure I am there but I did not want to delay any longer so that you would think I did not care.  You have to know that this letter is hard for me to write.  I still can hardly believe what has happened.  You have been such a model son all your life and I guess I thought you were invincible.  Perhaps I have not spent enough time praying for you.  I should have known that a young man of your many talents would be pursued by Satan himself.  Forgive me in failing to hold you up in prayer more often.  I do want you to know that I love you now more than ever and you are constantly on my mind.  I have not written because I was too emotional to get thoughts together.      The first (thing) I want you to know that my Mother’s love is as strong or stronger than it has (ever) been.  I will not abandon you for making a mistake – no matter what the consequences are.  Of course, you have to know that I am shocked to think you would plot to kill any one, especially the mother of your children.  You should have known that your actions would have devastated the boys.      I have taken heart in the fact that no one has lost their life and you still have the opportunity to make a confession and ask God’s forgiveness.  I implore you to that step.  Although this plot was inspired by Satan you have not committed the unpardonable sin.  If you come to Him, He will blot out your transgression.      I am aware that all of your material wealth is gone and you feel that all is lost, but if this event will save your soul from being lost for eternity it will be worth everything that you have lost.  I am praying constantly to that end.  There is no telling what you can accomplish in God’s Kingdom if you surrender to Him.  My prayers are to that end.  Material things dim in the light of eternity.  I encourage you to use your time in jail reading God’s Word and repenting.  Even if you are incarcerated, you can let God use you.  After all, nothing of this world is lasting.  Look toward eternity. I love you so much!!! Mom

 

She had no way of knowing, but her prayers were answered even before she wrote the letter.      After two weeks of jail, the time clearing the fog and giving me a chance to fully come to terms with the reality of my situation and the horror of my crime, on my 41st birthday, lying on a mat in a two-man jail cell, I finally came to the end of myself and cried out to God for forgiveness.      And He forgave.      It would be years before I would achieve physical freedom, but that day, as I read the letter of my wonderful mother, I was already free!!

Daniel’s Prayer (adapted from Daniel 9:4b-19)

     This prayer hit home during my second year of incarceration. I, too, felt exiled and alone with my deep sense of guilt and regret. I was able to personalize this prayer and realized that, though God had to punish the sin, He still loved me and was more than able to accomplish good things through me in the years I had remaining on this earth.
     I pray today that you, too, are able to pray this prayer with the prophet and that God will speak peace to your soul.

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     O Lord, the Great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant of love with all those who love Him and obey His commands, I have sinned and done wrong. I have been wicked and have rebelled; I have turned away from Your commands and laws. I have not listened to Your servants who spoke to me in Your Name.

     Lord, You are righteous, but this day I am covered with shame – you have exiled me because of my unfaithfulness to You. O Lord, I am covered with shame because I have sinned against You. The Lord my God is merciful and forgiving, even though I have rebelled against Him; I have not obeyed the Lord my God or kept the laws He gave me through His servants. I have transgressed Your law and turned away, refusing to obey You.

     Therefore the judgment of God has been poured out on me, because I have sinned against You. You have fulfilled the words spoken against me by bringing disaster upon me. All this disaster has come upon me and yet I refuse to seek the favor of the Lord my God by turning from my sin and giving attention to Your truth. The Lord did not hesitate to bring disaster upon me, for the Lord is righteous in everything He does; yet I have not obeyed Him.

     Now, O Lord my God, who brought Your people out of Egypt with a mighty hand and who made for Yourself a name that endures to this day, I have sinned, I have done wrong. O Lord, in keeping with all your righteous acts, turn away Your anger and Your wrath from me. My sins have made me an object of scorn.

     Now, my God, hear the prayers and petitions of Your servant. For Your sake, O Lord, look with favor on me. Give ear, O God, and hear; open Your eyes and see the desolation of my circumstances. I do not make requests of You because I am righteous, but because of Your great mercy. O Lord, listen! O Lord, Forgive! O Lord, hear and act! For Your sake, O my God, do not delay, because Your servant bears Your name!

Psalm 44:23 – Awake, O Lord! Why do You sleep? Rouse Yourself! Do not reject us forever.

1 John 1:9 – If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Psalm 103:12 – ….as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Jeremiah 31:34b – For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.

If we repent, truly repent, he is obligated, based on His Word, to forgive us.

If He forgives us, due to His nature, He is able to forget we ever did anything wrong. The sin is written in the Book, but the blood of Jesus flows over the entry and it cannot be read ever again. His precious blood makes us, and our page in the Book, as white as snow, ready for our fruit to be listed.

This makes us eligible to claim and rely upon His promises.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

Will God Change His Mind? – Part VI

This completes this small series of articles.  These were written during the fall and winter of 2002 – a time when I really needed God to change His mind.

In hindsight, by which most things become abundantly clear, I am glad that He did not stay the punishment I deserved.  I would have been so much worse off if He had.

Of course, He knew that.

I pray that these have been helpful in some way.

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Have you ever felt as though you were in the belly of a great fish?  I have!

Have you ever stopped to imagine what Jonah experienced while there?  For three days?  I have!

But as intriguing as it might be to run down the road of sights and sounds, smells and fears, uncertainty and apprehension, the most important question to consider is, “Why was he there in the first place?”

The answer boils all the way down to his willful violation of a known command of God.

God said, “Go!”

Jonah said, “No!”

Sound familiar?  It does to me.

God said, “No!”

I said, “Whatever!”

So, while I’m not in the belly of a great fish – a fact for which I’m thankful – I might as well be.  The cell in which I spend most of my time is about the size of the stomach cavity of a whale and smells just as bad.  Uncertainty and apprehension try to fill my days and would succeed if I didn’t purposefully choose to keep my focus fixed on God’s promises, His presence and His great love and mercy.

But I digress – we have another question to answer.  The answer is the very reason for Jonah’s flight.  Jonah knew the answer to our question.  (See Jonah 4:2)  He knew God was a God of love and mercy.  And Jonah hated Nineveh.  Hated them for their ethnicity.  Hated them for their apostasy and sinfulness.  Hated the knowledge that, if they repented of their sins in response to his preaching, God would withhold His judgment.

So, when God told him to go preach, he ran the other way.  But he didn’t get very far.  God has a way of giving us just enough rope with which we inevitably hang ourselves.

In due time, with a lot more trouble than was really necessary, the Ninevites received the message and, much to Jonah’s regret, repented.

And God changed His mind.  (See Jonah 3:10)

Are there judgments coming into your life that you would like to avoid?

Check your obedience quotient.

Read Joel 2:12-14.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

Exchange

“Great peace have they which love thy law; and nothing shall offend them.”
Psalms 119:65

The days which seem without either accomplishment or compensation are those in which we go our self-centered way, failing to “seek first the Kingdom of Heaven, ” but the touch of God upon our souls makes an irrefutable….

Exchange

Praise God, this was no ordinary day;
For when I rose at dawn and knelt to pray,
I heard my Father whisper from above,
“I have loved thee with an everlasting love! “

Upon my Saviour’s bosom I found rest
That soothed my anguished soul, and I was blest
To know that, though the arm of flesh may fail,
My Father cares, and doeth all things well!

He spoke my name; the sorrow I had borne
Was lifted like the darkness yields to morn!
He took that load I’d carried, oh, so long,
And dropped into its place an angel’s song.

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Because You Cared

“Evening and morning, and at noon will I pray and cry aloud; and He shall hear my voice.”
Psalms 55:17

Somewhere a heart had yearned for my soul; somewhere a voice had been lifted in importunate prayer! A new name was written down in heaven ….

Because You Cared

Because you cared enough for me
To travail daily in your secret place of prayer
With blinding tears, and heart poured out in agony,
I came in deep contrition to the cross, to live anew!
My sins are gone; old things have passed away
Because you cared enough to pray!

Because you cared enough for me
To plead again with unrelenting zeal
That I should know that glorious touch of blessed purity,
I came in deep contrition to the cross;
Christ reigns supreme! 
His Presence giveth victory day by day,
Because you cared enough to pray!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Come On In

     “These things we pray in the blessed name of our risen Lord, Jesus the Christ.  Amen.”

     The wizened old man looked up and smiled at the small group.  Diversity was the only commonality.  No, that’s not quite true.  Each face was radiant with a supernatural glow.  That, in addition to the diversity, made this little group truly intriguing.  But it was the leader I was most interested in.  He looked up, his eyes brimming with tears – not of sorrow, but of joy – and said, “Beloved, that will have to do for tonight.  We should not stay out too late these days.”

     Turning to a youngster sitting at his knee, he continued, “Marta, please blow out that candle before we open the door.”
     And with a puff from that small child, we were all cast into darkness.  I heard shuffling as those around me moved toward the door and departed.  I, however, was riveted.  I had to know more about what I’d just heard and seen.

     So I waited.

Trading a Toilet Brush for a Keyboard

In 1985, as I waited in the line of candidates for the Juris Doctorate in the auditorium in the School of Law situated on the campus of University of Memphis, the possibility that I would be earning a living with a toilet brush was absolutely the farthest thing from my mind.  I had my education.  I had a good job with a prominent law firm.  I was young and the future was a bright and shining star.

But some really poor decision-making altered that future.  Stupidity changed my plans.  Sin blocked the road on which God had set my feet and the required detour was long and painful.

And, though I have been forgiven by God and restored to Him;

Following

“Then all the disciples deserted Him and fled.” – Matthew 26:56b
“But Peter followed Him at a distance….” – Matthew 26:58a 

     At least he was following.  Peter was the big mouth – remind you of anyone you know?  He had big ideas and plans.  “Boisterous” described him to a tee.  Ready to go.  Anywhere – anytime.  Just ask him.

     As Jesus was finishing the Passover meal and outlining the upcoming events, Peter broke in with his extravagant promises.

     “I’ll follow you all the way.  You’ll not get rid of me. No Sir.  I’ll go with you to the death.”

     Remember?  Again….remind you of anyone?

     Then came the garden scene.  With sleep in their eyes and half-finished yawns, the little band of disciples is confronted by the Romans, Jewish religious leaders and Judas.  I can imagine the scene.  Jesus is so very calm, cool and collected.  Of course, He had the advantage – He knew what to expect.  The poor disciples were caught completely off guard.  Rocked back on their heels.  And, after Peter’s brief venture into the unknown, wielding a sword, an action which earned him Christ’s rebuke and had to have further confused the man, the disciples just seemed to melt into the night.

     So as the ear falls and the blood spurts and the guards recover from their paralysis of surprise, the mighty eleven scatter.

     Now Peter catches a lot of grief due to his following at a distance and the denial, as well he should.  But at least he was following.

     What about you?

     Fast forward a few days.  The scared, confused, disillusioned ones are fishing.  They didn’t know what else to do. Their whole world had just been shattered.

     But this morning was different.  The stranger on the beach who was no stranger.  The huge haul of fish that had been just over the side of the boat all night long.  The smell of fish cooking over an open fire.  Forgiveness awaiting the tired, humbled men.

     And the same question, asked three times that were really three very different questions.

     Peter’s answers.  The restoration.  And the statement, “Upon this rock I will build my church”.

     Do you see it – the significance for us?

     The Bible says that all have sinned and fallen way short.  That “all” includes Peter.  That “all” includes us.  But, thanks be to God, our Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ, we don’t have to stay “fallen”.  Regardless of what has gone before, we can be forgiven. We can be a Rock.

     “For I know the plans I have for you…..”

     The past is the past.  No amount of anguish or self-punishment can change it.  But with Christ’s help, in His strength, we can have a hope and a future.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

Grudges

“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”  Mark 11:25

I’m sitting on my bunk.  It’s 5:15 AM.  The usual time for my prayer and devotional minutes with God to start the day.  A few of the other 29 men in the guild are up and moving.  Several TVs flicker their pictures on the dark walls.

As usual, there are many matters I bring to Him.  So many hurting people.  People that I have hurt and disappointed.  So I bring these petitions before my Father.  I know He is strong enough to bear the burden of my problems.  He loves to hear from me and longs to trade yokes with me.

As always, I pray that this prison experience will end quickly and that I can be reunited with those that I love.

Eventually prayer time ends and I pick up my Bible.  Today’s reading takes me to Mark 11.  Verse 24 is always so encouraging.  Read it!  Doesn’t it give you goose bumps?  Such a wonderful promise from the lips of our Lord.

But this morning, it’s verse 25 that demands my attention.

                “And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.”

Smack!  It’s almost a physical blow.  There are grudges I’m holding onto.  Yeah, I have hurt people, but people have hurt me, too.  I have been justifying my ill-will towards some and simply flaunting my extreme irritation at the way some have turned their backs on me in my time of need.

And yet here was a scripture conditioning my forgiveness and the answers to my petitions upon the release of the very grudges I had nurtured and to which I felt so justified.

So I began to list them.  Names of people.  I was shocked at the length of the list.

But I got it all out and it felt good.

Now what?  Do I expect the guards to come and pack me up and send me home because I had a spiritual breakthrough?

To be honest?  Yeah, sort of.

But realistically, this is simply more of His refining process.  Release will come.  Right now my job is to become more like Him every day.

So learn from my experience.  Let go of your grudges.  They’re just dead weight anyway.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

Blood For Life – God’s Covenant

For your own lifeblood I will surely require a reckoning: from every animal I will require it and from human beings, each one for the blood of another, I will require a reckoning for human life. “As for me, I am establishing my covenant with you and your descendants after you…”  Genesis 9:5, 9 

We have a covenant-making God – One Who can be trusted. 

At the very beginning of time He initiated the requirement for blood sacrifice for the atonement of sin.   Blood had to be shed to pay sins’ penalty.  When the sin of man became too great for Him to endure, He sent the great flood to obliterate all life on the earth – all but that of the godly Noah and his family.

After the ark was reopened and the voyagers released from their floating home, He made a promise and put a bow in the sky to seal that promise with a visual sign.  Never again would the earth be destroyed by water and He has kept that promise.

When the repetitive offerings required by the law became burdensome and ineffectual, He graciously sent His Son to be the “Once and For All” blood sacrifice to, like the ark of old, save all the people in the world.  And this same Jesus, with a radiance that will pale the most vivid rainbow, will come again from heaven to take us home, once and for all.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

Jesus Speaks on Forgiveness

From the cross Jesus cried, “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.”  (Luke 23:34).  Yet we find it so difficult to forgive others for so much less  than they did to Jesus!In Matt. 18:22, Jesus told the parable of the unmerciful servant who owed his lord an equivalent of  two million dollars!  He could not pay the debt, and threw himself on the mercy of the lord, who forgave him the entire sum!!  But as the servant went his way he met a fellow servant who owed him twenty dollars!  The fellow servant could not pay the twenty dollars any more than he could have paid his two million dollar debt, and, regardless of the pleadings of the fellow servant, he had him thrown into prison. The king heard about this and recalled the first servant, reminding him, “I forgave thee all THY debt.”  Then he had him delivered to the tormentors because of an UNFORGIVING SPIRIT!!  The disciples asked Jesus, “How oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him, until seven times?”  Jesus replied, “Until seventy times seven.” By this he did not mean, to forgive four hundred ninety times and then start holding a grudge of unforgiveness, but that forgiveness is to be a CONTINUING EXPERIENCE!  Just as water flows from a wellspring, so must forgiveness flow from our hearts to others!  For when WE stop forgiving – WE cease to be FORGIVEN, and we will be LOST!! (Mark 11:26) 

The following excerpt comes from a letter I received years ago from a man who attended one of my revivals conducted at Vineland, NJ: 

‘Dear Rev. Erickson, I am the blind man you met during our recent revival.  Your message on ‘Forgiveness’ impressed me so much that I finally have, by the Grace of God, been able to FORGIVE THE JAPANESE FOR BLINDING ME IN WORLD WAR II  !!’ 

Amazing!!  This dear man had been living in a prison of hate and unforgiveness for FORTY YEARS, until Jesus set him free!  His Spiritual Blindness was his greater need, for unforgiveness is SIN, and the soul that sinneth, it shall die. (Ezek 18:4) 

My precious mother wrote:

Forgiveness

It has been easy to lay my mistakes and my sins
At the foot of the Cross, and to find victory;
But the failure of others at times have evoked
A struggle beyond comprehension for me! 
This morning, I knelt at my Saviour’s dear feet—
Pleading His grace for my burden and pain;
And stooping, He whispered, “My child, I forgave
Thy sins and thy failures again and again!” 
The mercy of Christ, I beheld like a thread
Of lustrous gold in my life’s tapestry:
And through scalding tears, I whispered to Him,
“My Lord, I forgive, just as Thou forgave me!” 

My Dear Friend, I urge you to find the ‘Secret Place of the Most High’ (Ps. 91), and pour out your heart before him in repentance; For truly, He will forgive you for your unforgiveness – then pass on that forgiveness to that family member, that neighbor, that friend, that enemy…. Please do it today, for time is running out!  

God Bless You!
“We were born once to die…
We were ‘born again’ to live forever!” 

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During my years in prison, my father wrote articles for his monthly church newsletter.  They each touched my heart, and those of the members of his church during that time; so much so that I want to share them with you.  May God continue to use the words of my father to minister through these pages and this medium.