Discipline

     There was always a ritual to it.  That was something upon which I could count. 

     Whenever I violated a known law of the house there was sure to be a price paid and the payment of that debt always followed a ritual. If at home, I would be immediately sent to my room to await the judgment.  If in public, silence would follow the discovery of the infraction – it was a living silence pregnant with dread – until privacy permitted the ritual.

     The waiting was probably the worst part.  Sure, the paddle or the belt or the hand left a mark and an impression, but the waiting for it seemed cruel and inhuman.  “Let’s just get on with it,” I would silently shout.  Anything would be better than that anticipation of execution of sentence.
It wasn’t until many years later that I was briefed in on the real purpose of the waiting.  It wasn’t to add to my punishment – though that was certainly a by-product.  It was to give my dad time to cool down so the punishment that was deserved could be meted out without the anger or emotion of the moment of the infraction.  It was for my benefit – my safety – my good.

     How much like the Heavenly Father, who never fails to discipline His disciples.  What additional proof is needed to reveal His love and His concern for us than His discipline when we violate His Will and His Law? (Proverbs 3:11-12)

     As for the rest of the ritual?  The spanking was painful but was always followed by prayer.  And, without exception, the relationship between my dad and me was stronger and more vital as a result of those times.  While it surely pained him to punish me – something I never really believed until I was faced with disciplining my own sons – it was for my good.  And in that way my dad modeled the Father.

     I’m thankful for the example dad lived out for me.

     I’m even more thankful that God never lets me off the hook but lovingly punishes me and, by doing so, reveals His love for me and His deep desire that I live His way.

…and their eyes were opened…..

They walked the dusty road that day and everything was different.  The familiar route was strange.  The entire scene faded to gray.  And they were sure that their lives – or what was left of their lives – would be somehow less.

The appearance of the tag-along stranger failed to arouse any interest.  The conversation, bothersome and annoying initially, ramped up as they relived the past few days while educating this new companion.

And suddenly everything changed again.  Suddenly their eyes were opened…..

And the fact that eyes had to be opened speaks volumes.  A need for opening indicates a closure.  These men – these believers – had had their eyes (and hearts) closed:

Closed by history;
Closed by experience;
Closed by despair;
Closed by hopelessness;
Closed by unrealized dreams;
Closed by disappointments.

But then their eyes were opened and they saw the Lord, standing in their midst, risen, vital and divine.  And the closed opened and that ordinary little road down to the insignificant little town of Emmaus became the center of the universe as the Creator conversed with the created.

But how does that affect us today?  How does the fact that their eyes were opened help us?  How can we have our closed lives opened?

Kindness

Written by A Prodigal January 16, 2007, from the prison cell.

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“But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him kindness….”
Genesis 39:21a

Even in the darkest days, I’ve always been able to trace God’s hand in the situation, showing His kindness to me.  Joseph was a man of integrity doing what was right even when it was unpopular or met with disapproval from those around him.

And though his integrity landed him in prison, we know that this was all part of the Divine design – a stepping stone to the palace; a proving ground for young Joseph to be taught the lessons he would need later.

May I always be such a man of integrity.  Though my past is marred, my future can be marked by God’s presence and kindness.

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For more Ponderings, click here

With Us

Written by A Prodigal, January 13, 2007.

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I will be with you. -Genesis 31:3b

Sweeter words were never spoken.  To know that God will be with us through our days and trials and journeys – as He was with Jacob – is the ultimate assurance.

He went to bed as Jacob and awoke as Israel.  He retired with two healthy hips and arose with a limp.  As Paul’s thorn, Jacob’s hip served as a reminder – not only to him but to the nation down through history – that God is God and is in control of our lives.  Every time Jacob stood, for the rest of his life, he was reminded of that night – the night he met with God.  We all have those reminders, those “bad joints”, those thorns which serve to take us back to our encounter with the Creator of the Universe.

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For more Ponderings, click here

Miracles

“The natural man received not the things of the spirit…”
I Corinthians 2:14

No miracles? Not to the blind of heart who still attempt to explain away the manger, and scoff at the empty tomb. Not for the self-righteous and the self-sufficient. Only the pure in heart see God; only the righteous behold His ….

Miracles

Many say the time of miracles is past–
That God is somehow limited in power today;
The Hand that guides the course of myriad worlds
No longer heals the sick, or stoops to save!
They think God’s love has changed with fleeting years;
So they languish hopeless in their sin and fears.

But Oh, they are in error to be sure.
God changes not! His power is just the same!
The blood of Christ still heals the sin-sick soul.
Transforms the life, and breaks each fettering chain.
These miracles are real to all who seek
Redemption in the fount of Calvary.

God is the same! He heals, and saves, and keeps–
I know, for He has done as much for me!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

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My Trial

“For he made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.” II Corinthians 5:21

 

The Son of God made atonement for the sin of the world upon His death on the cross, yet before He made that supreme sacrifice, He underwent that ignominious, farcical trial which was….

 

My Trial

 

He suffered so, my Saviour, in those hours of woe–

                ‘Tis onerous for us to vaguely know

                Salvation’s crucial cost;

But He, the precious Son of God,

Whose footsteps to the judgment trod,

                Faced that cruel, unreasoning mob,

                And then the Cross!

 

The High Priests knew, and Pilate reasoned too,

“I find no fault in this just Man, I vow!”

                And taking water, he began to wash his hands,

                To cleanse his guilt, but in that awful land

He washes them through endless ages, and

                No doubt, he washes now.

 

The question comes: WHO was on trial that day,

Before they led the Son of God away?

                And as I kneel and questioningly pray, the answer comes;

                Not Jesus, not the Holy One so fair,

                Was being tried by vengeful sinners there,

But those High Priests, and Pilate, yes, and-l..-

                Was tried before my Saviour went to die!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Also, please subscribe below for weekly updates on this site.

 

 

Back to Prison – Part I

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed.  (II Corinthians 4:8-9)

 

Dejected?  Surely!

 

Confused?  Probably!

 

But doubting? Never!

 

Joseph maintained his faith and started over again. Those were days and weeks and months of idleness, made all the worse coming from his place of responsibility. His nights were consumed with wondering what was going to happen and why he had been removed from usefulness and productivity.  Surely he remembered the meals in Potiphar’s house (meals he had planned) as he ate the prison gruel.  Certainly, lying on the straw mat, he thought of the soft bed he so recently had had.  He probably asked God more than once why he was being punished when he had done nothing wrong.  And Potiphar’s wife?  How long before forgiveness replaced the resentment?

 

But he waited on and trusted in his God.  And God did not disappoint—God made him a success.  A successful inmate; now there is an apparent oxymoron.  But God caused the jailer to take notice of Joseph, and, before you know it, Joseph was running the jail!

Lord, Keep Me Low

“If we have forgotten the name of our God, or stretched out our hands to a strange God; Shall not God search this out? For He knoweth the secrets of the heart.”  Psalms 44:20, 21

 

With the attitude of a heart ever on its knees because Thou art all worthy- because Thou hast done the “exceeding abundantly” for me….

 

Lord, Keep Me Low

 

Lord, keep me low, but ever looking up,

                If needs must be, through constant pain and tears,

Lest I forget Thy tender, patient love–

                Thy miracles throughout the trying years!

 

Lord, keep me sheltered in that “secret place,”

                When Satan as a lion would ensnare;

Sheltered, yes, but filled with the living grace

                That sees my brother’s need, and proves I care.

 

O Saviour, may I love Thee with a single heart–

                No will but Thine my life to regulate;

So broken to the yoke of love divine

                 I shall be small enough to enter that “strait gate!”

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Also, please subscribe below for weekly updates on this site.

Judging

“With what judgment ye judge, ye shall be judged; and with what measure ye mete, it shall be measured to you again.” Matthew 7:2

 

“Judge” and “Grudge” are identical twins. They are usually seen together. We seldom judge critically those we really love. May the Lord deliver us from ….

 

Judging

We dare not, must not, judge our fellowman;

Our eyes see but the surface of his deeds.

‘Tis Christ’s prerogative–for He alone

Perceives the motive, and the heart’s deep needs.

 

With endless patience, like a warning bell,

He cautions us to love both friend and foe;

If we usurp His judgment, we shall merit HIS–

For grudges held are as toward Him, you know!

 

There is no healing in an unforgiving heart;

It’s fervent zeal, though seeming from above,

Is parched and barren–yes, a fruitless thing–

That none can cure but God, for “God is LOVE!”

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Also, please subscribe below for weekly updates on this site.

Jesus Wept

Tears are not a sign of weakness, for the strongest Man who ever lived wept! He knew the utter desolation of loss by death; the bitter disappointment of rejection; “a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief” — yes ….

Jesus Wept

(John 11:35)

 

My Jesus wept; not only at the tomb

                Where Lazarus, His friend, lay cold in death,

But I am sure that often in the gloom

                Of lonely nights of prayer my Saviour wept.

 

He wept for every grief that down the years

                Would cause our hearts to bleed at utter loss;

He wept to share each burden of our tears–

                But through them, He saw victory at the Cross!

 

My Jesus wept! My Saviour, and my Lord!

                Oh, may no callous pride destroy the spring

Of my heart’s love that fosters sweet accord–

                That humbly weeps, and pardons everything!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Also, please subscribe below for weekly updates on this site.

Dad – Part I

SON.  BROTHER.  STUDENT.  MARINE.  PREACHER. 

 

HUSBAND.  FATHER.  DISCIPLINARIAN.  PASTOR. 

 

EVANGELIST.  ALCOHOLIC.  EX-HUSDAND.

 

 

My Father has been called many things in his life, but it wasn’t until five years ago—after years of estrangement and pain—that he really became my Dad.

 

I really do not know where to start his story—in its entirety, it would fill reams.  But some background is necessary to give you a feel for how dramatically his life has impacted mine in both negative and positive ways.

 

I always idolized my father.  He was a man’s man.  Big and strong—not the strength built up in a gym, but a natural strength.  He was born with it.  It was genetic.  I always admired that about him and wished that I had taken after him in that regard.  I, instead, inherited my body type from my mother—slender with very little natural muscle mass.  I inherited something far darker from my father—a finely honed ability to deceive.

Confidence

June 30, 2004 – my 44th birthday – came and went with me in a Tennessee prison.  There were no parties, no gifts, a few cards and possibly a few thoughts.  But to call it anything but dreary and depressing would be a lie.

And yet, despite the circumstances and the surroundings, there were things for which to be thankful.

In my quiet time on that day, I penned these words……………..

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If God is for us, who can be against us?” – Romans 8:31

Forty-four years ago today I was born to Bill and Gwen in Nashville, Tennessee.  They tell me it was a joyous day, though I don’t remember it.

They took me home from the hospital to the little house on Gwen Drive and began the process of raising me.  They taught me and they helped me.  They encouraged me and provided for my needs – in fact, they are still providing for my needs even today.

They loved me enough to discipline me when I deserved it and, at the proper time, allowed me to spread my wings and leave.

But today, forty-four years later, I am still the son of Bill and Gwen.

And there is nothing I can do about it!

They love me, and there’s nothing I can do about it!

They are in my corner – on my side – and, again, there’s nothing I can do about it!

Three years ago today

Whatever He Wants

This Pondering was penned July 24, 2005, while in a prison in Nashville, TN.  Since I wrote this – since God put this things on and in my heart – I have been able to track a little of His moving in my life and circumstances.  I am amazed and humbled that He loves me so and provides for my needs.

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Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. –Romans 8:26-27

 

 

 I was reading along in Romans – that’s where I needed to be today – I’m doing the read-through-the-Bible-in-a-year thing and that was today’s passage.  I was headed toward my favorite scripture passage – the one to which I was grasping with all my might – Romans 8:28.  You know it.  I know it.  And I’m relying heavily upon it for there has to be some good come out of this mess I have made of my life.

Well, I’m reading along and, out of the blue, this scripture, which I have read many times, jumped off the page at me.

You see, I’ve been praying one certain prayer for months…even years.  The prayer that God would act, through His great love and mercy for me, and make a way out of this prison for me.  And here, right in front of my favorite verse was a passage telling me something very disturbing.

…including Peter

“….including Peter…..”  (Mark 16:7)

           

It had been a rough week for Peter.  For the one Jesus had dubbed “the Rock”, the events of the past ninety-six hours had been the sledge hammer.  He was a broken man.  Smashed to pieces against his own good intentions.

He had protested at the foot washing Jesus had performed.

He had brashly proclaimed his willingness to go through death with his Lord.

Feeling guilty over his inability to stay awake in the garden, together with his proclivity to act before thinking, he sliced off an ear and received the rebuke of the One he was attempting to protect.

We can almost hear him think, “I just can’t do anything right.”

Then, to compound all of that, when the rubber met the road he faltered.

He failed.

Did you hear that?  He finished what he had started….making a complete mess of things.

And, when the rooster crowed that morning and his mind’s eye replayed the scene and he heard once again Jesus predict this failure, he was done.  Finished.  Humiliated.  Embarrassed.  Done!

Brashness was gone.

Self-image destroyed.

Hope of recovery shattered.

Peter, the Rock, became Simon the fisherman again.  Resigned to a life of mediocrity and obscurity – a failure.

But Jesus had others plans for Peter.  Plans that required – even demanded – his brokenness.

Jesus saw the potential where the world saw failure.  Jesus saw promise where Peter saw only denial.  Jesus saw the foundation of His church while Peter was resigned to pulling and mending nets.

So, on Easter morning, it was no accident that the angel at the tomb specified Peter by name.  At the mention of “disciples”, the women would have naturally included Peter.

It wasn’t for fear of them forgetting to tell Peter.  It wasn’t for Jesus’ sake or heaven’s sake that his name was called.

It was for Peter’s sake.

You see, Peter didn’t feel much like a disciple that morning.  As far as he was concerned that designation had been forfeited, once and for all, around a fire three days before.  A commission for the women to go and tell the disciples would not have drawn Peter to the meeting.

So his name was called.  His was the only name called.  He was the only one who had denied the Christ.  He was the only one whose temperament would not allow him to forgive himself.  So he was called by name.

“Make sure you tell Peter,” the angel said.

Imagine how Peter felt when he heard that heaven had called him by name.

Have you heard your name called?  Do you think your failure is greater than Peter’s?  Do you think you’ve been too bad to be forgiven?

Forget it!  Jesus loves you and is calling you by name.  He has plans for you.  Plans to prosper you as you work for Him.

Repent of your sins.  Genuinely apologize to the God of Heaven and Earth for your failures and then forgive yourself – He’s already forgiven you – and move on in service to Him.

“Now go and give this message to His disciples, including ______.”  Your name goes here.  He died for you.  He lives to make intercession for you.  He loves you.

And that’s enough!

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For more Ponderings, click here.

God’s Faithfulness

Do not be far from me, for trouble is near and there is no one to help.  (Psalm 22:11)

 

The faithfulness of God was evident through these days in spite of my actions, in spite of my lies and in spite of my feeble and misguided attempts to manipulate the outcome of all of this.

 

It didn’t take long for me to determine that the consequences of breaking the law outweighed any actual or perceived benefit from doing so.  It’s probably not too far from the truth that such an epiphany was reached my second night in the Shelby County jail.  I was too freaked out that first night to think about much at all. 

 

Anyway, as I said, God was faithful even during this time; time when I surely did not deserve His protection and provision.  So through the rest of this story I will introduce you to some wonderful, and, no doubt, God-sent people who entered my life just when I needed them the most.  Some are Christians—some are not.  But all were just what I needed.  Their appearance in and effect on my life can only be described as miraculous!

 

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Go on to Chapter 34….

Navigate here for the Deception Home Page.

Render Unto Caesar

“This reply completely amazed them.” –Mark 12:17b

 

The day began as all the others had begun.  Before the earth He had created rotated so that the sun He created cast its light on His temporary home, He was awake.  He was praying.

This day was precious.  This day was full of promise.  This day was one of too few days.  Too few to accomplish all He wanted to accomplish.  One thousand days wasn’t enough.  In some respects – from some perspectives – that number can be daunting, seemingly endless, but His mission was vital and He felt the pressure of the brevity of His time here.

Today the sick would be brought to Him for healing.  The hungry would receive food – for both body and soul.  And there would be the questions.

He didn’t mind the questions.  In fact, He relished them, invited them, enjoyed them.  They revealed the hunger of those He came to save.  They exposed the naiveté of a nation and the lostness of an entire generation.  Teaching these lost lambs about the Kingdom of His Father was His mission, so He loved the questions.

Well, He loved most of the questions.  But today would be one of the days when Satan would send his emissaries to try and trip Him up.  Hypocrites – the religious leaders – would endeavor to discredit Him in front of those poor lost lambs.  They would attempt to cast the seeds of doubt about Him and His mission into the fertile minds of His people.

So this morning He prays to His Father for the answer to the questions – to be ready when the enemy attacked.

And then it happened.

“Now tell us – is it right to pay taxes to the Roman government or not?  Should we pay them or should we not?” (Mark 12:14b-15)

It would have been one thing had this been an innocent question.  It would have been one thing had this not touched on such a political powder-keg of that day.  But as the question was asked the crowd held its collective breath.  You could almost hear their thoughts, “Oh brother, here we go.”

But Jesus just looked at them.   For a very long minute He looked at them.  Their eyes couldn’t hold His gaze.  They knew He saw through them to their motives.  Feet shuffled and throats were nervously cleared.

And His heart broke.  He loved them – hated the sin but loved the sinner.  They were His children – lost, but His.

So He answered their question with a question, “Whose picture and title are stamped on [the coin].”

“Caesar’s,” they replied.

“Well, then, give to Caesar what belongs to him.  But everything that belongs to God must be given to God.”

As we read this account, our minds should immediately jump to the next test – another attempt to trap our Lord.  We should remember the greatest commandment as explained by Jesus, “Love the Lord with all your heart, and all your soul and all your mind.”

Why were the hearers that day so amazed by this answer?  I’m amazed by their amazement.  How can we help but render – present – these things to God.  After all, He made them.  In His own image He made them.  His image is stamped all over them.

It was He who made our heart to beat in its wondrous and perfect rhythm.  It was He who made us just a little lower than the angels but worlds above the rest of creation with an eternal soul.  It was He who lit the first fire between the synapses in our brains and placed within us a will and a conscience.

He made us.  He breathed life into us.  He numbered our hairs and knew us before we were conceived.  He allowed us to make our own decisions which took us away from Him and brought death and pain into our lives.

And then He died for us.  He died to redeem us to Himself.

How can we help but render ourselves a living sacrifice unto Him?

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For more Ponderings, click here.

August 13, 2001 (Part 4 of 4)

Son, you’re like Moses on the backside of the desert.  You’re in boot camp – you’re in school.  God’s getting you ready for a new work and a new life!

St. Paul wrote his greatest epistles while in prison.  Not a mountain retreat, but a dungeon.

And don’t forget God know how to get His servants out of prison, if He has to shake it down.  That is, if it’s His will.

Jonah disobeyed God and wound up in the stomach of a fish.  God got him out and he set out to accomplish God’s original plan and purpose.

Everything depends on what your plan and purpose is.  If it is to respond to the heart-cry of suffering men, women and children, it is God’s will that they be rescued and saved.

God can only use those who are broken through suffering.  “Even the Son of God learned obedience through the things which He suffered”, and “through suffering Christ became the Captain of our Salvation.”

Peter writes, “After you have suffered a while…make you perfect and establish and settle you.”

God has His own way of getting us fit for service.  “A vessel unto honor, sanctified and meet for the Master’s use.”

As for the pastor and people there, I’m sure they struggle with the matter of loyalties.  Your wife and the boys are the victims and they are reaching out to them which is what they should be doing.  I’m sure pastor and people feel that to show you interest and attention would be an act of disloyalty to your wife and the boys.  This is not right!

You are a victim, too!  A victim of Satan’s scheme.  The word is clear, “If any of you be overtaken in a fault (weakness – sin) ye which are spiritual restore such an one in a spirit of meekness – considering thyself lest thou also be tempted.”  Galatians 6:1.  It goes on to say, “Bear ye one another’s burdens and so fulfill to law of Christ.”  Galatians 6:2.

I, too, ran into this.  While in Nashville trying to recover, I went to a gathering at TNC when Chuck Milhuff was speaking there.  I walked up to a group of ministers, many I had know and worked with.  Twice I went to these men and put out my hand.  They turned and walked away.

Not all are like this, thank god.  Dr. Greathouse, John Andrus (Chattanooga First), Carl Sherman (Papaw’s buddy) and other, have stayed in touch with love and understanding.

As for your marriage, you must know that is over.  She is pushing for the “max” out of fear for herself and the boys.  You must pray for grace to put that family on God’s back burner.

I mentioned several pages back about the 12 steps and the 12 promises.  The first promise is this: We will know a new freedom and a new happiness. 

The second one is tougher to swallow: We will not regret the past not wish to shut the door on it.

This was the big one for me!  I choked on this, and raised the roof about it in many AA meeting.  I would say, “How am I not supposed to regret shattering the hearts of a wonderful wife and sons as well as hundreds of church people who believed in me?”  I really stormed at them until an old-timer with 25 or more years in recovery said, “Bill, everything you lost is what it took to get you where you are today.  It took what it took!  You can feel sad for the hurt you caused others, but don’t regret the price you paid to get straight and sane in your thinking!!”  Then he said, “Don’t shut the door on your past, leave that door ajar – just a crack – because God might just bring back some of those things or people when God feels you are ready for it.”

These are difficult words to digest but so true.  He said, “You leave the door open a crack for another reason.  You will remember people you hurt or things you did that you need to apologize for and set records straight.”

We sang the words for years, “Whatever it takes…”  The main thing is that we are under the Blood and ready for Heaven, and that we are serving Him until He calls us.  It’s hard for us to see God’s “Big Picture” of things.

I’ll pick up on this in another letter.  This is getting long and it’s getting late.  I have gotten your letters and appreciate hearing from you.

I love you and pray daily.

Always,

Your Dad

P.S. Remember….

F  alse
E  vidence
A  ppearing                “FEAR is the ‘dark room’ where all our negatives are developed.”
R  eal

                                                Pretty good, huh?

 

P.P.S.  So glad you are reading and praying!

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For more of the Prodigal’s Mail, click here.

Read Part 3

New Beginnings

“From now on, this month will be the first month of the year for you.” – Exodus 12:2

Four hundred years.  Four hundred long years!  Slaves in a foreign country – promised a better life but stranded in Egypt as slaves.

And with no end in sight.  No hope.

Many probably remembered Moses.  Sure, he’d been gone for forty years, but his family was still there.  The sister that so carefully laid him in the basket and gently shoved him out into the Nile was still there.

And the story of his killing the Egyptian was sensational enough to live on through the years of his absence.

So now he’s back.  God is obviously on his side.  The many plagues are done and, through Moses’ mouth, God is telling them that it’s time.

Time to go.  Time to leave.  Time to move.

Next month.  Wow!  Could it be?

            We know it was to be.  That next month was to be the beginning of a new year and the start of a new way of life – the promised way of life.

            I’m so glad that our God is the God of new beginnings.  Failure, slavery, imprisonment?  No problem.

Lying, adultery, murder?  Awful, but forgivable.

Humility and a decision to follow God at all costs is all that’s required.  God can – and will – do the rest.

Jonah – runner to revivalist.

Joseph from inmate to in charge.

David – adulterer and murderer to the man after God’s own heart.

Thomas – doubter to determined.

Caephus becomes Peter, the Rock.

Saul becomes Paul.

Incredible.  Inspirational.

What’s my second half hold?  I don’t know.  But God does.  As He told the Israelites so long ago, my “next month” is on its way and a brand new “year” is about to be birthed.

Praise His Wonderful Name!

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For more Ponderings, click here.

Deliverance

“He made darkness his secret place.”  Psalms 18:11

 

“Though he were a Son, yet learned he obedience by the things which he suffered.”  Hebrews 5:8

 

Perhaps we must learn obedience in the selfsame way before we may know ….

 

Deliverance

               

God sometimes leads His children into darkness;

                He hedgeth us about ’til all alone,

Like Jacob, we must walk in arid places,

                And find, for rest, our pillow but a stone.

It maybe seems that God is slow to answer–

                Yet His heart bleeds anew at every pain;

Our prayers are bottled up with Him in glory–

                Our suffering may be our eternal gain.

 

Gain, if we will trust with sight denied us,

                Remembering God’s Kingdom is within;

The path to peace too narrow for resentment,

                Our soul too small to hold both God and sin!

We shall remain imprisoned with our sorrow,

                Until by faith our eyes anointed see

Christ high and lifted up, and hear His whisper,

                “Behold my nail- pierced Hand’s perfecteth thee!”

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page. 

What Am I Worth?

This thought was penned in the small hours of the morning on January 24, 2004.  At the time it felt as though the sentence would never end; that freedom would never again be realized; that my existence was pointless and futile.

And yet…………………….

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Are not two sparrows sold for a penny?  Yet not one of them will fall to the ground apart from your Father.  And even the hairs of your head are all counted.  So do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows. Matthew 10:29

            What am I worth?  An often asked question.  Answers will vary from person to person.  Even with regard to one person, the answer will vary.  We are so affected by so many external influences and internal emotions.  We tend to view ourselves and evaluate our worth in the light of circumstances and perceptions of others.

At this particular moment in my life the answer to this question could be across the spectrum, depending upon whose view I adopt.

            What am I worth?

To the State of Tennessee, not much.  Worth only to be incarcerated and warehoused.

To victims of my crime, even less.  To them I have ceased to exist and, even sadder, they are glad.

            To my employer, the value of what I can produce, for as long as I can produce it.  When I cease being useful and productive, or when another can fill my shoes either more efficiently or more inexpensively, my value will drop immediately and dramatically.

To my family and friends, I am an embarrassment and, while they love me, they also distance themselves from me.  It’s less painful for them that way.

            So where can one turn to find even a semblance of self-worth and any sense of value?

Many will seek acceptance at the risk of the loss of their freedom.  Peers are fickle and will turn their back at the first hint of trouble.

Many will seek to escape the pain by diving headlong into a life of alcohol and drug use and abuse.  Anything to make them feel something – anything – other than the loneliness and emptiness that marks and characterizes their lives.

            Some will confuse worth with attention and will engage in random and risky promiscuity.

But, at the end of the day – at the end of each and every day – each of us is left alone.  Things, highs and passion only lead us deeper into the void and farther away from the true source of our worth.

Our Heavenly Father loves us.  Loves us so much He died for us.  So much that, even if each of us were the only one on the planet, He still would have taken on skin and sacrificed Himself so we could be freed from this futile and frustrating search for our worth.

He sees the ants in their colonies and cares for them.

He sees the pigeons that populate the prison where I live and cares for each one.

He sees me, as I work and as I sleep on the 21^st bed in the 17^th guild of the annex to one of the many prisons in this State.  And He cares.

            So the answer to the question, “What am I worth?”, comes down to the stark and humbling answer:

            His Life!

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For more Ponderings, click here.

A Danville Connection – A Word from the Heart

A dear friend recently made contact through my Web Site.  Apart for decades and completely out of touch, she is overwhelmed by the story of my life laid out here.

But her words are redemptive, encouraging and eloquent – I hope she will forgive my sharing them with you.  They are too wonderful to pass up……..

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I have read every chapter you have written here and many of the blogs, letters and other information that you have posted. It will take some time for me to actually process it all more fully. It almost reads like a story of some distant character to me, and yet, I know this is you too. I am sure it has been both painful and therapeutic to cleanse yourself like this.

I knew you long ago, and in that confusing time of growing adolescence surrounded by parents and other adults who were finding their own ways while directing us, I choose to believe I at least knew a part of you. Just as you knew a part of me. Very rarely do we reveal ourselves completely to  others…especially while we are trying to determine who we are really…but I think we learn over time how to be authentic, with our imperfections and everything, rather than keeping them to ourselves and living in the constant torment that you describe here. I know some people keep up appearances all their lives and never release the hidden things to anyone. I am happy that you are to the point where you are dealing with these monsters — slaying them one by one. I do believe in deliverance! I do believe that we have to die daily to our flesh and walk in the spirit — it is not always an easy task. I do believe God can and will bring healing to your life — no matter what we have done, thought, acted upon, etc… He is faithful and just to forgive us, when we repent and turn from it. Keep doing that. I believe we have to renew our mind daily, thinking on what is pure, honest, just, of a good report, etc… and always bring our thoughts into captivity. Satan wants that idle ground to work with in each of us.

I am a little sad that you have no recollection of those goofy times at church camp, Alleluia choir, IMPACT Team, etc. and how much trust my own father had in you that he allowed me, his only daughter, to ride with you alone as we embarked to Colorado. All the girls I knew had big crushes on you. You may recall I seemed to have a ship in every port on that trip; that would prove to be evidence of something deeper lacking in my own life as time progressed (we all have our own demons to battle, flesh to die to, etc. and that is another story).

Your family was a big inspiration to my family and to the church. I value having those times in my life. I have some very warm memories of those Nazarene church days, even though life has taught us that things weren’t perfect. People turned out to be other than what we had thought or even expected, and yet, the message of God’s love, forgiveness, mercy and grace abides. It was the message, and not just the messengers.

I study the Bible and take an honest look at the people whom God uses — we make them saints — they aren’t so much that way in the Bible really. They are followers, but at times they too fall short and/or struggle. Life is messy, even under the best of circumstances. We are of this world remember, but He has overcome it. We need Him so that we can do the same.

You are telling your story…a testimony of restoration. I know that God is a God of restoration (restoring the years that the cankerworm has eaten — Joel 2:25). He has done it in my life. And continues to do so.

It is heart-wrenching to hear all the things you have gone through…the struggles, the despair, the dark times, the disappointments, and the sins that have gripped you in your life. But it is heart-warming to hear that you have returned home to your Father and that you are allowing God to use all those things for His purpose that the enemy meant to destroy you. That is what we must do I believe.

It is the enemy, Satan, who comes to steal, kill and destroy, but God can and does take what Satan meant for evil and turn it around for His Good. I could tell you the dark roads that I have traveled down, but that is for another time. Just know this — repentance brings us back to Him.

I applaud you for facing the things you have faced and continue to face and for writing about your journey, and I pray that you continue to be authentic with yourself, God and others. I could recite verse after verse and preach that stuff all day to you, but I know that you have that knowledge.

I believe we need more than knowledge; we need a heart for God. We need to take His Words and His Ways into our hearts, and focus our minds on those things that He has for us. I am not saying that it is easy — even with the strongest Christian relationship and firm support all around us. The enemy sets traps at every turn; he has strategies; he drags us onto the battlefield. We need to be prepared — put on the armor of God. Remember that Satan can only suggest it to us — we have the right to say “no” to him and his wickedness. We have the right to refuse the demons that come to us — no matter what they are.

I thank God that His grace is sufficient…but we get overwhelmed because we think about tomorrow and this and that and on and on. It’s just for today…right now…because really, that is all we have. Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised — we only have this moment — and He sustains us in it. I am so thankful to hear your story and know that the “prodigal” has returned. I rejoice with the angels and your Father!

Please keep in touch.

I love you always

August 5, 2001

You’ve read a letter from this person before.  It was a scathing tirade that set me on my heels for a time.

And I couldn”t answer her letter right away.  The return mail would have been much too harsh had I composed it in that early frame of mind.  So, taking a page from the life-book of my father, I waited and let the intervening days cool my temper.  So the letter I sent her in reply was calmer and contained more humility than I thought possible given the recent events and her stinging words.

The Spirit had to have both prompted my words and prepared the way for her next letter was of a completely different tone.

Read it for yourself……..

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August 5, 2001

Dear Dan,

For my own conscience, I feel that I have to write you back and make a couple of “clarifications” myself.  I was very, very angry when I wrote that letter to you, although I’ll bet you couldn’t tell! HaHa!  Anyway, I feel bad for some of the things I said.  You said I probably “didn’t care to read a detailed explanation.”  Well, if you don’t want to that’s fine – that is your business – however, I do care, Dan.  Can you not understand how betrayed I feel?  I know my letter was horrible, but it did make me feel better!  Sorry….

The thing that really kills me right now is starting over.  I hate to say it, but you were the best boss I’ve ever had…..  Now I wonder if you gave us everything we needed (and more) because you valued us as your employees, or if it was for something else.

I don’t get it, but apparently I never will.  I don’t know if you snapped or if Satan got inside of you.  But I do pray for you, Dan.  And yes, I struggle with the very thing that you addressed in your letter.  I struggle with the fact that I’m supposed to accept that God loves the child molesters and the rapists as much as He loves me!  Of course, I haven’t lived the perfect life – you know that, but I haven’t ever deliberately harmed anyone else, haven’t killed anyone, haven’t cheated on my husband, etc.  So why does God love the people that do these things?  I don’t understand it.  One day you said that Catholics believe that they can do anything they want and no matter how bad, if they do into a confession booth and confess their sins, then they’ll be forgiven.  You said you had a real problem with that.  Well, what‘s the difference in that and what any other religion believes?  Don’t you believe that if you pray for God’s forgiveness then you’re forgiven?  What’s the damn difference?  I am so confused – maybe more than ever – about all of this!  And since I am confused and don’t understand, does this mean that I’m not a Christian?  I am asking you for your input.  Does God punish us for things we have done, do you think? …..  I’m just lost right now!

Anyway… although I do think you deserve to be where you are, I do hate that you are there and I hate that you chose the path that you did.  I pray for you and your family every day.

Take Care…..

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Confusion and self-doubt are hard things with which to live.  Questions about degrees of sin and how a Righteous God can – and does – forgive and forget the sins we commit, but the theft of the pack of gum, the running of the red light, the tax evasion and the murder.  All are sin in His eye and all can be covered by the blood of His precious Son.

I am thankful for the surety I have in this regard.  I am humbled by His provision for me.  I remain concerned over my friend and wonder how she is doing with her questions.

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For more of the Prodigal’s Mail, click here.

A Note from a Friend

She is one of my oldest friends – not chronologically speaking, necessarily, for I certainly have friends who were born long before her – but since I have known her since my early teen years, she qualifies as an old friend.

Recently, and after an extended silence – one that lasted twenty years – she read the posts on this site.  And while I don’t know about her initial reaction, her comment is worthy of sharing with you.

I have been forever moved reading of your plight and knowing that it all ends with mercy and grace being given out in abundance to you and your family.  What a mighty, wonderful God we all serve! I,too, have been in bondage of a different sort, but still imprisoned all the same.  Whenever we choose to serve someone other than Jesus, it does eventually become hell to us.  Your eloquent sharing prompted me to remember words He gave me several years ago…

I was bound when Mercy met me
I was enslaved and found release
It was Mercy, Love that met me
Broke the chains and set me free
Broke the chains and set me free

To the world, I will proclaim You
Precious Lord, I’ll shout and sing
That it was Mercy, Love that met me
Broke the chains and set me free
Broke the chains and set me free

Lord and Master, You are Mercy
Precious Saviour, You are Love
Bind my heart with yours forever
A servant to Your will above
A servant to Your will above

Tragedy

“He does not sweep away the lives of those He cares about.” – 2 Samuel 14:14

 

Tragedy had invaded Israel – even as far as the king’s own household.  A story pulled right out of today’s headlines – one of lust, incest, deceit, rape and murder.  And, finally, to complete the horror, an excommunicated son – the king’s beloved Absalom.  Banished for defending the honor of his sister.  In hiding to avoid his own death which the law demanded.

But, thankfully, this story has a happy ending.  And so does ours.  This story shows the depth and breadth of our Father’s love.  And the healing of this relationship between this father and son resulted from the devotion of a general and the acting ability of a woman.

Joab knew “how much the king longed to see Absalom.” (2 Sam. 14:1)  Maybe some hurt in his own life made him sensitive to this pain in the life of his king.  Perhaps it was simply his incredible sense of duty.

But whatever prompted him, Joab devised and implemented the plan to cause the king to realize just how dire the situation was and how easily it could be fixed.

We are not even told her name, but we are told of her reputation for great wisdom.  She plays her part perfectly, drawing the king to empathize with her before turning the tables on him.

Read the story.  Listen to her words as she instructs her king.  See the scene as, finally, the son is reunited with the father.

And realize the implications this story has for all of us as you read the woman’s words in verse 14.

“All of us must die eventually.  Our lives are like water spilled out on the ground, which cannot be gathered up again.  That is why God tries to bring us back when we have been separated from him.  He does not sweep away the lives of those he cares about – and neither should you!” (2 Sam. 14:14)

Scripture says that we have all sinned and fallen short.  This is probably more true of me than you.  But the beautiful fact remains that God, our Heavenly Father, while our sin demands excommunication and banishment, is standing, right where we left Him, arms outstretched, beckoning us to come to Him.  To come back to Him.

You see, He never moved.  It was our sin that separated us.  And it is our own guilt that keeps us away, causing us to feel we have to clean ourselves up before we will again be acceptable.

What a fallacy!  The prodigal son was embraced by the arms of his father before his shower – fresh off the road and just out of the pig-pen.

How much more will the creator embrace us – just as we are – if we will only relent, submit and obey Him.

Don’t punish yourself over past failures.  Don’t remain a foreign land due to your sense of self-imposed guilt.

God loves you!  “That is why [He] tries to bring us back when we have been separated from Him.  He does not sweep away the lives of those He cares about…”

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For more Ponderings, click here.

Forgotten

            The feeling of being forgotten has to be one of the worst parts of this whole ordeal in which I find myself.  It doesn’t happen all at once – that actually might be easier – a clean cut, so to speak.

            No, it happens gradually, like the old pair of shoes sitting in the back of the closet under that bag of clothes destined to be a charitable contribution.  Once cherished, polished, cared for and modeled with pride, they gradually lost favor and attention.

            It’s hurtful to be forgotten – to have friends, one by one, fall silent.  To have family and loved ones become distant and aloof.  Slowly.  Gradually. Creating a wound constantly irritated preventing the protective scar from forming.

            Yes, being forgotten is a bad thing.  Failure is bad enough, but being forgotten is far worse.

            I began to wonder if being forgotten could ever be a good thing.

            King Solomon had completed all of his building projects.  The wisest and richest king the world had ever known was finished.  Peace – a seemingly permanent peace – had finally descended upon Israel.  It was a time of celebration.

            Then the Lord appeared to him and said something that raised my eyebrows.  He said, “As for you, if you will follow me with integrity and godliness, as your father David did, always obeying my commands and keeping my laws and regulations, then I will establish the throne of your dynasty over Israel forever.” (I Kings 9:4-5a)

            Wait just a minute.  I seem to remember that David did not always obey God’s commands and keep God’s laws.  I remember the selfishness, the adultery and the murder.  And, if I can remember it, surely the omniscient and eternal God can.

            It was then that the beautiful and glorious fact hit home for the very first time.

            Sure, I’d read the scriptures before.  Heard the sermons and studied the promises.  But it was not until this day, sitting in a guild with 29 other men, feeling forsaken and forgotten – a failure – that the wonder of the promise hit home.

            The promise?  God forgets.  He forgot David’s failure.  He forgot Peter’s denials.  He forgot Thomas’ doubting.  He forgot Mary’s prostitution.

            And He’s forgotten my sin – my failure.

            “…as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.” (Psalm 103:12)

            “Lord, if You kept a record of our sins, who, O Lord, could ever survive? But You offer forgiveness, that we might learn to fear you.” (Psalm 130:3-4)

            And what’s more, in His unfathomable way, He is able to both forget our sins and use them to improve us at the same time.  This is the way my favorite promise can be true: “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good for those who love Him and are called according to His purpose for them.” Romans 8:28

            Yes, being forgotten can be a good thing.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

July 22, 2001

During the early days of my incarceration, shortly after I re-committed my life to the Lord and received His forgiveness, I wrote out my story.  It was in very rough form and was certainly nothing of admirable content or talent, but I felt the need to get it out.      I sent this draft to my Dad.  Of all the people in the world, he had the ability to truly empathize with me.  He had already proven his love by driving a thousand miles to pray for and hug me in those first horrific days.  He had already expressed his forgiveness as we wept and prayed that day in the visiting room of the jail.      Now he would know the whole story – the only one so far.      I received this letter in return.

 

July 22, 2001 My Dear Son,      I received the manuscript late Wednesday eve… What a story!  And what courage it took to write it!  No greater relief than to get totally honest – with yourself – others and God!  I, too, have been down every rocky, dead-end road and am acquainted with total failure and shipwreck.      I’m sure my reaction to this is much different than your mother’s.  I have thought of her through this and can only imagine her shock.  I have prayed for her and Jerry everyday – also the others…..  According to your brother, your wife and children seem to be holding up, but they are all suffering a pain that will not go away for the rest of their lives.      I know your feelings of isolation, desolation and desperation.  Five lockups in treatment centers and general hospitals, halfway houses, and rescue missions for periods of from 30 days to 6 months.  Six months in Rick’s church basement.  Six months in a boarding house, etc.  After staying in the Hyatts and Hiltons and Embassy Suites over the years and driving plush cars and wearing new clothes and eating the best food – what a disaster!      I felt like filthy, greasy rags on the floor of an old abandoned garage, forgotten and worthless.      But someone was there all the time.  I just didn’t know.  The Lord had me surrounded by His special instruments.  “God works in mysterious ways His wonders to perform.”      I was bottomed out in an intensive care unit in Nashville Veterans Hospital – borderline brain convulsions – tubes, wires, etc.  I kept thinking of you boys – how I had hurt and disappointed you.  My pillow was soaked with tears and I was all alone.      I started quoting the words (out loud):           “God uses best the broken things            The contrite heart – the battered wings            Of our poor selfish pride –            Ah, yes, and even scars we hide,            He blesses for His own.            If in the breaking I might be            A better vessel Lord for Thee            Then crush my stubborn will,            And all of self that lingers still;            Anoint my eyes that I may see            A vision of Your plan for me            ‘Til Thou shalt call me home.”  (one of Mother’s poems)      A nurse was standing nearby and heard me – she rushed to my side and asked me to quote those words again.  She got a piece of paper and wrote them down and exclaimed, “It’s just what I needed.”  And left the room.      I’m thankful He led me into AA with people with my problem that could identify.  God used those people and I was not alone.  Five years at the Harbor and four years teaching at the hospital enabled me to help others which helped me stay on track.   September 8th will be 11 years of freedom from that addiction that destroyed my ministry, my marriage and the trust of all who have ever known me.  I owe it all to God’s love working though people.      I’ll write you again.  I have been very sick.  I love you….always!  Always!  Always! Dad

 

He had been there and he knew.  By God’s power working through him, he had overcome his addiction and had lived to help others and further the Kingdom of God through his work.      That was my father’s prayer for me over the next seven years and was one of the last things on his mind as he died.      He is in Heaven and my prayer is now that his prayer will be answered – that I be used of God and that this ordeal through which I have come will not be in vain but be beneficial to those who need to find their way to their Savior.

July 18, 2001

Two days after those beautiful and heart-healing words from my mother, I received two letters.  Both were straight to the point and written from the hearts of the authors.  Both were candid and free of pleasantries.  But they were written from very dissimilar points of view.  One was constructive and redemptive.  The other destructive and caustic.  The writer of the first has a firm grasp on the limitless capacity of a Heavenly Father to forgive the sins of His children.  The other sadly confused on that point. Read them for yourself and you’ll see what I mean……….

 

July 18, 2001   Dan,      I am writing this letter to you to tell you something and to ask you something.  The only time I visited you while you were in jail was the day after your arrest.  Since they would only let two people in, I deferred to Lynn and Tim and waited on them outside.  It has taken all of this time for me to come to grips with everything that has happened, and I suppose that is why I have stayed out of touch with you.  I hope you will understand when I say that I was very angry when I learned what you had done.  It was all revealed that day at my home when they arrested you.  I don’t think I will ever forget the look on your face as you were sitting on my deck.  Because of all the police cars, I had quite a bit of explaining to do to my neighbors.  Neighbors who thought that Sue and I had been fighting and had to be separated with so many police further added to my anger.  What you did ultimately brought shame to me and my family.  My friends and neighbors understood and all is well.  Another thing that I gave considerable thought to was the fact that all the time I knew you, I did not really know you.  You see Dan, I always looked up to you.  You were the one constant solid rock that I could depend on.  The faithfulness that you showed is what got me back in church where I belong.  Now, there is no doubt where I will spend eternity.  As I said, I always looked up to you.  I knew that it would be almost impossible for me to be like Christ.  I thought that if I could be like you that I would be almost close enough to touch Him.  Needless to say, when all of this came out, my picture shattered before me.  The deceptive life you lived invalidated everything that was between us.  I felt as though our friendship meant nothing.  This left me quite empty.  After considering all that had happened, I broke down and did what Jesus was telling me to do.  You are still my brother in Christ and I forgive you.  That doesn’t make me anyone special, however it helps me cope with things because I am doing as a Christian should.  Truly, from my heart, I forgive you.      The only problem remaining was how I was going to ask you what I must ask.  Yes, I prayed about it and God told me to forgive you, however, when He told me to forgive you He also told me to ask you something.  Dan, all this time has gone by and this is the first communication from me to you.  Despite the fact that I felt you had invalidated our friendship, you were still my brother and I failed you as a Christian.  I should have been there for you as Jesus was, but I was not.  Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?  Please think about it.      I don’t know if I will ever be able to trust you again.  Trust is something that has to be earned.  This will take a considerable amount of time.  I pray for you everyday.  My prayer is that you will repent and turn to God.  You know what is out there for all of us.  Please do not spend an eternity paying for what you have done.  Get your heart right with God and everything else will fall into place.  You have made some very bad decisions and have done some horrible things.  Be thankful that we are the only one who weight things.  God will forgive right away and Jesus is waiting to intercede for you.  If you have not already done so, don’t wait another minute.  Get things right with God right now.  You never know what is in store tomorrow.      You still have a long road to travel.  I am constantly praying that you will do the right things. Yours in Christ, David Harrison

 

July 18, 2001   Dear Dan,      I heard that you were complaining about not receiving any mail or visits from anyone.  I’m sure that I’m not one of the people that you wanted to hear from, however, I need some “closure” as I’ve been told, so I’ve decided to write.  You may not want to read all of this, but I need to write it, though I don’t know where to start.      First of all, you obviously have no idea what this has done to everyone.  To me, you weren’t just my boss for 6 years.  You were someone I respected, I cared for like a friend, and most importantly, you caused me (almost daily) to question my religion and my faith.  Our beliefs are very different, obviously.      What I would love to know is if you think you’ve going to Heaven?  Are you a Christian or not?  It seems to me that you really aren’t but hid your real self behind your religion.  Is that accurate or not?  I can’t believe that at some point a long time ago you decided that someone other than your wife was more important to you than your career, your children, your brother, etc.  You have hurt people in a way that you may never know, Dan.   You have hurt me deeply.       …..I think that you believe in your heart that you are above everyone, including God.  The God I worship would never forgive your sins.  Especially the one where you have used His name and your religion in vain for so many years.      …..I truly hate that you are there in jail, Dan, but you deserve to be there for a very long time. Helen Perkins

 

Two friends.  Two angry friends.  Two friends who had the right to be angry. But two very different approaches to dealing with the anger.  One was redemptive – the other resentful.  One forgave – the other held the grudge. I understand the anger.  I appreciate the forgiveness.

Because He Lives

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain; for the former things have passed away.”

Revelation 21:4

 

Jesus has made all the difference in my life! From the hour He saved my soul, He has been unfailing in His love and goodness.  In trial, He has strengthened and sustained me; in sorrow I have leaned upon His everlasting Arms to find comfort and renewal.  I am undeserving of His special care, but life would be insupportable without it. When my little day here is ended, I shall go to live with Him forever ….

 

Because He Lives

 

Because He lives, my darkest hour shall hold no terror;

                His healing balm shall soothe my keenest pain.

Beyond life’s toilsome road, I glimpse that fairer,

                Eternal City where my Lord doth reign!

 

Because He lives, my earthly cross shall be, tomorrow,

                Transmuted gold in His redemptive crown;

His Hand shall wipe away all tears of sorrow

                When I shall finally lay my burdens down!

 

Because He lives, there is no death–just parting

                At some bright crossroad ‘neath the setting sun;

Because Christ lives, eternal life imparting,

                I shall behold His Face when day is done!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Choose to Run

For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.  Then when you call upon me and come and pray to me, I will hear you.  When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart.  I will let you find me, says the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, says the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.  Jeremiah 29:11-14

I have always been fascinated by people who have the discipline and ability to get out, day or night, hot or cold, rain or shine, and run.

Why do they do it?

Are they getting ready for a big race?  Probably not.

Are they preparing themselves so that IF they are ever accosted, they can sprint to safety without becoming too winded too quickly or without their legs tiring too fast?  That’s unlikely.

I’ve tried to develop this discipline.  Over the years I have spent untold hundreds of dollars on running shoes and clothes – like I needed some special “look” to run.

I joined track teams in both junior high and in college.  Both times I rationalized my decision to quit.  Justified it by telling myself that I was just not cut out to be a runner – I didn’t have the “stuff”.

Well, yesterday I did it again.  I stopped in and bought some new running shorts and short socks and I’m going to try it again.  Not because I’m afraid of or expecting an attack.  And not really because I want to lose the little paunch that I have developed over the years.  But because I want the discipline in my life.  I need the discipline in my life.

I have always been fascinated by people who have the drive to get out of bed an hour before they really have to, regardless of how late they were up the night before – although I expect that getting to bed at a reasonable hour is a part of the discipline, too – to pray and study and listen to God.

Why do they do it?

Do they think they are going to be engaged in some sort of intense spiritual battle that day?  They’d better, because that’s what happens – daily!  Satan is out there.  The Bible says he’s prowling around like a roaring lion seeking whom he may devour.  I have been devoured  When the spiritual battle came – and it always comes – I was out of shape.  I tired too quickly.  My spiritual legs gave out.

I never was much of a threat to Satan.  I never developed the discipline of prayer and study.  Oh, sure, when the big test was approaching and I hadn’t studied as I should have, or when the money was all gone and the twins needed food, or when the office payroll came due and the work was not there, or when I found myself in jail with very few friends and the bad news was hitting me from every direction, in those times I would be very disciplined, very conscientious, about my devotional life.

But I’ve never learned the trick of preparing for battle in times of peace, of staying prepared for the battle even when the threat board was empty.

Today I choose to prepare.  I choose to be disciplined.  I choose to let God control my life one hour at a time.  I choose to run and I choose to pray.

Jeremiah 29:11-14 is my promise.  I want to search for Him and His will for me with all my heart.  I want to get in on his plans to prosper me – not as the world perceives prosperity, but I want to be rich toward God and in what He has in store for me.

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I wrote this while sitting at my brother’s house.  I wrote this thirteen days after my bail was posted and I regained some measure of freedom, tenuous though it was.  I wrote this the day before 9/11, never comtemplating the change the next day would effect in the psyche of our nation and the world.  I wrote this not realizing until later just how quickly everything that matters can change. 

Assurance

“Are not two sparrows sold for a farthing? and one of them shall not fall on the ground without your Father.”  Matthew 10:29

 He loves me too much to desert me; I cost Him too much for Him to forget. This is the warp and woof of my…. 

 I do not know why obstacles sometimes obstruct my way,
Or why so often tunnels dark conceal the light of day;

 But this I know: no dangers lurk that I must face alone,
For He who marks the sparrow’s fall will lead me safely Home!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page. 

Transformation

“If any man be in Christ, he is a new creature; old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”
II Corinthians 5: 17

The greatest milestone of my life? The morning I met Jesus! Wondrous joy! Wondrous peace! 0 blessed ….

Transformation

What was life without my Saviour?
Words are feeble to express!
I was wretched, blind, and needy–
Wandering in a wilderness.
Helpless in the power of Satan,
Vexed by problems–worn with care;
Broken in both strength and spirit; 
Often gripped with bleak despair.

What is life since Jesus saved me?
Oh, if I could but express
How His love and grace abounding
Fill my soul with blessedness!
He has been a Light to guide me–
Hope and Strength when I am weak.
Praise His name, He satisfied me;
He abides, and life is sweet!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Ruts

The sign on the side of the old dirt road was simply written and to the point.  It was a warning sign, but most likely placed there by a local and intended to lean away from the serious and toward the humorous.  It read “Be careful which rut you choose.  You’ll be in it for the next five miles.”

I smiled as I read the sign but soon found out, to my dismay, that the author of the warning knew what he was talking about.  The road, obviously susceptible to frequent flooding, was indeed but a series of deep ruts that stretched out lazily into the distance.  Some were deeper than other and most likely formed by the farm equipment used in the area.  Others were more shallow and kinder to the suspension of my car.  I took the advice offered on the sign, chose carefully and made it through with nothing but a stiff neck and a slightly battered hubcap to show for it.

For years afterward, it was nothing more than a cute story to relate to friends and family.  But my life has taken a turn, and with that turn, the humor of the sign and the cuteness of the story have turned more serious.

I have come to believe that life is but a series of ruts.  Few of us will ever live a life where every day is filled with adventure and excitement.  For the most part, our lives are predictable and, at times, even mundane. We educate ourselves.  We hire ourselves out for a wage.  We marry.  We raise children.  If reduced to it’s lowest common denominator, each of these are ruts we run in as life progresses.  Of course, this is not necessarily a bad thing.  All of the endeavors listed are admirable and worthy of our attention and commitment.  Deep fulfillment can be found in these ruts.

But there are other, less acceptable, ruts in which we seem to find ourselves sometimes – even ruts we make for ourselves and then regret later when it’s too late.  Poor decisions, impulse control problems, failure to properly discipline ourselves, and the unwillingness or the inability to control our appetites and wants can place us into deep ruts from which there is no escape.  Even the loving and kind and forgiving Heavenly Father will ofttimes allow the consequences of our actions to unfold upon us, even as He forgives and prepares our place with Him in the next life.  Decisions have consequences and those ruts can be long and relentless. 

Even the good ruts can become bothersome and a chore if we fail to maintain a vital and continual relationship with God.  Only He can give us the ability and the desire to love others when they are not very lovable and to deal with the circumstances of life in a positive and engaging way.  No marriage is a bed of roses and every child has the potential to cause a parent heartache.  Bosses can be a pain and the very normalcy of life can be taxing.  Without God, we just tread water, churning through the days.

Ultimately, our choices determine our ruts.  And our attitudes – the only thing over which we ever truly have control – determines whether we are miserable or joyful as we travel.  Joy can be found in the ruts of life.  Fulfillment can be found in the mundane.  Usefulness can be discovered again after failure.  God is the God of second chances and, for those that love Him and seek Him with their whole heart, He can use even the ruts of life to bring us all the good He has for us.

 

Pray On

“Let us not be weary in well doing; for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.” Galatians 6:9

In due season! As the long years drift by, what a temptation to doubt. Yet so often just at the next turn of the road is victory–children saved or rec1aimed–that parent redeemed– 0 let’s ….

Pray On

How often the enemy taunted my soul,
And whispered that prayer was in vain,
“You pray that your loved ones
Through Christ be made whole,
But they go on in sin just the same. “
Discouraged? 0, yes, yet not in despair,
There was still that last “knot in the rope,”
I believed God was faithful! He would answer prayer
When glory! He honored my hope!

0, I love Him supremely! My cup overflows–
How unworthy I am of His care;
But my faith has been strengthened
For three worlds must know
God is faithful! He does answer prayer!
So pray when you’re weary of praying – pray on -
Pray though prayer seems a futility;
Hold fast to God’s promises! He will respond!
Lo, the answers to prayer you will see!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

In His Sight

“Since thou wast precious in my sight, thou hast been honourable, and I have loved thee …. Fear not, for I am with thee.” Isaiah 43:4,5

In His Sight

In His sight, thou art still precious,
Oh beloved, tempest-tossed,
When the rivers would o’erflow thee,
And it seems that all is lost.
God still cares! His love is changeless,
Though all human love should fail–
Fiery darts of Satan wound thee
‘Til thy very heart doth quail!
In His sight thou art so precious;
God remembers, treasures still
All these long, rich years of service;
Faith as stable as the hills!
There is no retirement in His kingdom, 
There is no rejection in His plan;
So keep that tender, holy spirit,
And pray for me whene’er you can!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Daniel’s Prayer (adapted from Daniel 9:4b-19)

     This prayer hit home during my second year of incarceration. I, too, felt exiled and alone with my deep sense of guilt and regret. I was able to personalize this prayer and realized that, though God had to punish the sin, He still loved me and was more than able to accomplish good things through me in the years I had remaining on this earth.
     I pray today that you, too, are able to pray this prayer with the prophet and that God will speak peace to your soul.

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     O Lord, the Great and awesome God, who keeps His covenant of love with all those who love Him and obey His commands, I have sinned and done wrong. I have been wicked and have rebelled; I have turned away from Your commands and laws. I have not listened to Your servants who spoke to me in Your Name.

     Lord, You are righteous, but this day I am covered with shame – you have exiled me because of my unfaithfulness to You. O Lord, I am covered with shame because I have sinned against You. The Lord my God is merciful and forgiving, even though I have rebelled against Him; I have not obeyed the Lord my God or kept the laws He gave me through His servants. I have transgressed Your law and turned away, refusing to obey You.

     Therefore the judgment of God has been poured out on me, because I have sinned against You. You have fulfilled the words spoken against me by bringing disaster upon me. All this disaster has come upon me and yet I refuse to seek the favor of the Lord my God by turning from my sin and giving attention to Your truth. The Lord did not hesitate to bring disaster upon me, for the Lord is righteous in everything He does; yet I have not obeyed Him.

     Now, O Lord my God, who brought Your people out of Egypt with a mighty hand and who made for Yourself a name that endures to this day, I have sinned, I have done wrong. O Lord, in keeping with all your righteous acts, turn away Your anger and Your wrath from me. My sins have made me an object of scorn.

     Now, my God, hear the prayers and petitions of Your servant. For Your sake, O Lord, look with favor on me. Give ear, O God, and hear; open Your eyes and see the desolation of my circumstances. I do not make requests of You because I am righteous, but because of Your great mercy. O Lord, listen! O Lord, Forgive! O Lord, hear and act! For Your sake, O my God, do not delay, because Your servant bears Your name!

Psalm 44:23 – Awake, O Lord! Why do You sleep? Rouse Yourself! Do not reject us forever.

1 John 1:9 – If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

Psalm 103:12 – ….as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us.

Jeremiah 31:34b – For I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more.

If we repent, truly repent, he is obligated, based on His Word, to forgive us.

If He forgives us, due to His nature, He is able to forget we ever did anything wrong. The sin is written in the Book, but the blood of Jesus flows over the entry and it cannot be read ever again. His precious blood makes us, and our page in the Book, as white as snow, ready for our fruit to be listed.

This makes us eligible to claim and rely upon His promises.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

All Things

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God.” Romans 8:28

 All things! What comprehensive words! The cross that weighs so heavy; the wound that goes so deep….yes,

 All Things

All things work together for our good–
Believe this promise in the trying hour!
The bitter test may not be understood,
But faith can triumph over Satan’s power
If we but cry, “Lord, I will trust in Thee,
For surely Thou hast deemed this best for me! “

 All things work together for our good–
The broken dreams and sorrows that life brings;
The secret pain that none but God can see
May be His means to open faith’s rich springs;
And often we must suffer utter loss
To apprehend the victory of the cross!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Brakes (and Breaks)!

     The squeak coming from the front end of the car signaled the need to throw some money at a brake shop.  I purposely waited until after the first of the month so my personal coffers would have something other than the customary dust bunnies in them and I took the poor little ten year old thing to the shop.  Lifetime brakes would run me just under $200, and, while I didn’t have that kind of cash just lying around, I could always charge it and pay on it for a bit.  That was preferable to rear-ending someone when the brakes finally gave up the ghost altogether.
     Thirty minutes after dropping it off the phone rang and the service manager might as well have slugged me between the eyes for I certainly saw stars and heard train whistles when the figure of $940 rolled off his tongue.  It seemed that the car, now with just over 87,000 miles, had never – apparently – had any sort of maintenance done on the brakes.  Complete rebuild from the ground up was required.  Looks like those payments will stretch out a little further than I had originally planned.
     But, as I was lamenting the huge (for me) outlay of cash and fighting the temptation to develop a bad attitude, I was reminded, by the Holy Spirit, no doubt, of where I was now compared to this time last year.  A year ago I would have gladly paid someone to have a problem of this nature.  This was nothing.  It isn’t even a blip on the radar screen.  I have had so many breaks in the last seven months – so many evidences of God’s handiwork in my life – that I have absolutely no reason to complain or lament.
Just the fact that I have a credit card with a limit high enough to allow me to have this work done is a break in and of itself.  Not to mention the fact that within a few days, thanks to the President’s Economic Stimulus Plan, I will have $300 dollars deposited into my account – money I wasn’t counting on even a couple of months ago.
     So my focus changed and I began to count my blessings and the breaks I have been undeservedly granted, and my mind turned to the biggest break of all.  A break offered freely and with no requirement of merit of any kind.  The Break of Salvation and the road it took to get me into a mindset to grasp hold of it is the break of more than a lifetime – it’s the eternal break.
     After that, what else matters really?

I Will Lift Up Mine Eyes

“I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, from whence cometh my help.”

The Psalmist, David, found hope, and help, and healing in the upward look, and so in the emergencies that must come….

“I Will Lift Up Mine Eyes”
(Psalms 121)

“I will lift up mine eyes unto the hills, “–
The God who loves me knows my soul’s sore test,
He heareth now the heart-cry of His child;
My help shall come: the Lord will give me rest!

The arm of flesh on which I’m prone to lean
Cannot allay the anguish of this hour;
So I shall lift mine eyes beyond this scene
Unto the hills, the symbol of His power!

Yes, I shall lift mine eyes above all natural things,
In every disappointment, pain, or grief;
And looking up, my faith on soaring wings,
Shall find in Him both victory, and peace!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.
 

His Mother

“But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.” Luke 2:19

Before Bethlehem, no religion of this world offered hope for depraved humanity. Mary couldn’t but know the human race was starving for a Redeemer and endeavoring to subsist on vain philosophies, fine arts, and pagan religions which left the race without inner peace, and victory over self and sin–because she was ….

His Mother

On that first Christmas morn
When our Saviour was born
In the stable in old Bethlehem,
Did the dear mother guess
That the Child at her breast
Would die to redeem sinful men?

Did she know that her Babe
In the crude manger laid
Would one day suffer our shame?
Did she think as she kissed
Each sweet precious fist
That men would reject His dear Name?

Could she glimpse in her mind
All the sick, lame, and blind
His divine touch so wondrously healed?
And each sin-burdened soul,
Through the ages made whole–
Were these to her heart all revealed?

Could her eyes see the Cross?
Did she reckon her loss
As she gazed on that life just begun?
Yes, I think that she knew,
And smiled, knowing, too,
When she gave to the world God’s dear Son!

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 For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

God Stepped Down

“For He hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in him.”
II Corinthians 5:21

Surely it was the greatest humbling known to man when…..

God Stepped Down

My Lord stepped down that He might lift me up,
Impoverishment, He bore to make me rich!
Though God incarnate, He became a Man;
How can I grasp a wonder such as this?
He fought temptation, suffered burning thirst–
The enervating weakness I must bear;
The conflict I must face, He conquered first,
And so I know He understands my care!

I see Him toil to hew a simple yolk
As Carpenter in humble Nazareth–
He who fashioned worlds whene’er He spoke,
And healed the sinful anguish in my breast!
He stooped to wash the feet of friend and foe–
The Sovereign of the Universe became
A lowly Slave, that somehow I might know
The path to Heaven wends from lowly plain.

My Lord stepped down to mend each broken heart,
And bless the little child who sought His arms;
To heal the sick, and by His love impart
Deliverance from the power of Satan’s charms;
My God stepped down to suffer all my shame;
They say sin killed Him there on Calvary,
But He killed SIN, and vanquished death to reign
Forevermore–for He abides with me!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Will God Change His Mind? – Part VI

This completes this small series of articles.  These were written during the fall and winter of 2002 – a time when I really needed God to change His mind.

In hindsight, by which most things become abundantly clear, I am glad that He did not stay the punishment I deserved.  I would have been so much worse off if He had.

Of course, He knew that.

I pray that these have been helpful in some way.

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Have you ever felt as though you were in the belly of a great fish?  I have!

Have you ever stopped to imagine what Jonah experienced while there?  For three days?  I have!

But as intriguing as it might be to run down the road of sights and sounds, smells and fears, uncertainty and apprehension, the most important question to consider is, “Why was he there in the first place?”

The answer boils all the way down to his willful violation of a known command of God.

God said, “Go!”

Jonah said, “No!”

Sound familiar?  It does to me.

God said, “No!”

I said, “Whatever!”

So, while I’m not in the belly of a great fish – a fact for which I’m thankful – I might as well be.  The cell in which I spend most of my time is about the size of the stomach cavity of a whale and smells just as bad.  Uncertainty and apprehension try to fill my days and would succeed if I didn’t purposefully choose to keep my focus fixed on God’s promises, His presence and His great love and mercy.

But I digress – we have another question to answer.  The answer is the very reason for Jonah’s flight.  Jonah knew the answer to our question.  (See Jonah 4:2)  He knew God was a God of love and mercy.  And Jonah hated Nineveh.  Hated them for their ethnicity.  Hated them for their apostasy and sinfulness.  Hated the knowledge that, if they repented of their sins in response to his preaching, God would withhold His judgment.

So, when God told him to go preach, he ran the other way.  But he didn’t get very far.  God has a way of giving us just enough rope with which we inevitably hang ourselves.

In due time, with a lot more trouble than was really necessary, the Ninevites received the message and, much to Jonah’s regret, repented.

And God changed His mind.  (See Jonah 3:10)

Are there judgments coming into your life that you would like to avoid?

Check your obedience quotient.

Read Joel 2:12-14.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

God Answers Prayer

“Pray without ceasing.”  I Thessalonians 5:17

Prayer! The golden key that unlocks the vaults of Heaven! The storm must pass; the dawn must come. Our song may  have a sweeter and sadder refrain, but we shall sing again. I know for….

God Answers Prayer

God answers prayer! No night can be so long
But He is there, and comforts with a song!
I know, for I have groped through trials dark
With faltering faith, and fainting heart;
But when I claimed God’s promises,
Believing in their power
To save unto the uttermost–
God answered in that hour!

God answers prayer! Oh praise His Name!
No fowler’s snare, or fettering chain
Can fail to yield to steadfast faith;
There’s victory at the Throne of Grace;
I know, for just when failure
Seemed inevitable for me,
I claimed the Blood of Jesus,
And lo, He set me free!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Exchange

“Great peace have they which love thy law; and nothing shall offend them.”
Psalms 119:65

The days which seem without either accomplishment or compensation are those in which we go our self-centered way, failing to “seek first the Kingdom of Heaven, ” but the touch of God upon our souls makes an irrefutable….

Exchange

Praise God, this was no ordinary day;
For when I rose at dawn and knelt to pray,
I heard my Father whisper from above,
“I have loved thee with an everlasting love! “

Upon my Saviour’s bosom I found rest
That soothed my anguished soul, and I was blest
To know that, though the arm of flesh may fail,
My Father cares, and doeth all things well!

He spoke my name; the sorrow I had borne
Was lifted like the darkness yields to morn!
He took that load I’d carried, oh, so long,
And dropped into its place an angel’s song.

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Gratitude or Grumbling

     I wondered how it would be.  As my out date from the Department of Corrections approached and my mind began to focus more and more on life after prison, I wondered how I would react to freedom and the accompanying stress.
     The possibilities were many, each with a blend of circumstance and dilemma, but they can all be reduced to two general categories: gratitude or grumbling.
     Would I be like Peter who, released once from the prison of brick and mortar and later from the prison of his failure, spend my life in grateful service to my God?  Or would I be more akin to the children of Egypt who weren’t out of sight good before they started in on poor Moses?
     Would I be thankful for the blessing of release and employ my God-given talents to help others – a modern-day Joseph?  Or, to pick on the poor Israelites again, would my attitude turn sour at the first setback, disappointment or difficulty?
     Well, on this day which marks the six month point of my post-prison life, I can answer that question.  Not that this is the only time this question will need to be addressed for there is a lot of life left if God allows it, but, as with the first one hundred days which was the subject of another article here, this milestone is a big one – if only to me – and I feel the need to report for the glory of God.
     My answer to the question of which side of that fence I am on is resoundingly gratitude!
     There have been – and will surely continue to be – challenges and trials as the readjustment continues.  There will probably always be a little financial stress.  There will surely always be times of loneliness for my children and the life that could have been had I not allowed the enemy of my soul to gain that foothold in my life.
     But I am, indeed, grateful.  As I stepped out of my little rented house in the country setting north of Nashville this morning at just after five to head to work, I couldn’t help but pause to give thanks for all He has done for me.  In the quiet, early morning moment, as the birds celebrated Spring and the sleepy community began to come to life, I was again humbled – as I have been many times over the past six months – by God’s love, His provision, and all that He has restored to this once-shattered life.
     I am very grateful.

Because He Came

“That he would grant unto us, that we being delivered out of the hand of our enemies might serve him without fear, in holiness and righteousness all the days of our LIFE.”
Luke I:74, 75

Life is fraught with beautiful value and meaning, and we are conscious that God has not deserted us, but is working that one day the forces of hell will go down to ultimate and conclusive defeat ….

Because He Came

Because He came, the stars of heaven shine more brightly
Across the troubled night of this old earth;
Though chaos reigns, and hearts fail for the future,
The Christmas chimes still herald Jesus’ birth!

Each tinkling bell assures us “God is with us, “
And naught can thwart His great eternal plan;
V{hen heaven touched earth the hour of Jesus’ coming
Eternal hope became the gift of man.

Because He came, the power of sin is broken,
His strength is ours for all life’s weary race;
Because Christ came, the Christmas bells are ringing,
And my heart sings of His redeeming grace!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Assurance

“And I will put thee in a cleft of the rock, and will cover thee with my hand while I pass by.”
Exodus 33:22

The certainty that no difficulty, no hindrance, no obstruction that God permits must be borne in my own feeble strength, brings blessed….

Assurance

I do not know why obstacles
Sometimes obstruct my way,
Or why so often tunnels dark
Conceal the light of day;
But this I know: no dangers lurk
That I must face alone,
For He who marks the sparrow’s fall,
Will lead me safely Home!

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For more of the poetry of my grandmother, visit the “Uplifted Eyes” page.

Will God Change His Mind? – Part V

Amos was just a working stiff – a sheep breeder by profession – from the little village of Tekoa.  In his day the town was about ten miles south of Jerusalem, but it has long since been swallowed by the great city.

He was an average guy, doing his work, caring and providing for his family, worshipping the only wise God.  Well, maybe he was special after all.  There were very few of his contemporaries worshipping the way they should.  At least not in the northern kingdom of Israel.

So one sunny day, while dealing with the stresses of his daily work, he was interrupted – interrupted by God Himself – and told to go north to Bethal and prophesy against the northern kingdom.

Can you imagine his reaction?

Prevailing Prayer – Part I

“The effectual fervent prayer of the righteous man availeth much.”  James 5:16           

     My precious mother, now with Jesus, practiced the lost art of ‘prevailing prayer!’  I heard her in her bedroom weeping and crying out to God for our family when I would come home from school in the afternoon as a teenager; for a period of time she was the only Christian in our home.  One night while my brother and I were sleeping, mother burst into our bedroom and through her tears exclaimed, “I’ve heard from heaven!  I’ve heard from heaven!”  She had been ‘God wrestling‘ in her bedroom and her faith reached all the way up to God’s mercy seat, for she told us through her tears, “The Lord has given me the assurance that all our family will be saved!”

     One by one our family surrendered to Jesus!  My brother David and I both answered the call to preach the gospel and today we are still preaching the ‘Way of Holiness‘ in jails and churches and wherever God calls us!  My father was saved in a little Wednesday night prayer service!  Mother and dad are both now with Jesus, and we’ll all be home together soon!  For it’s almost ‘Suppertime‘.

      As we witness the ominous signs of prophetic fulfillment on an almost hourly basis, many people have asked me, “Pastor, what can we do about it?  It’s all beyond our control!” 

Will God Change His Mind – Part III

I am an old man now – my life, both the good days and the bad days, are behind me now.

I guess from that last statement you could gather that I regret my life – and while, it’s true, there are moments of my life that I deeply regret, most of it has been wondrous and even miraculous.

There have been days of wonder, sitting on the hillside basking in God’s creation.  There have been moments of intensity as God delivered me from the attacks of wild beasts and the threats of giants.

There have been moments of incredible embarrassment, as when Samuel skipped over all my older brothers and announced to everyone that I would be replacing Saul as the King of Israel.

But then there were the shameful moments in my life, the most glaring being centered on the lust of my flesh to which I succumbed and caused a national scandal. 

Love’s Reaping

“Refrain thy voice from weeping, and thine eyes from tears; for thy work shall be rewarded, saith the Lord; and they shall come again from the land of the enemy.” Jeremiah 31:16

The sweetest melody is so often borne on hope’s last string; the sweetest hour that which comes with ….

Love’s Reaping

 

How few can comprehend your heart’s deep burden,
Or see beneath your smile, the nagging pain.
But Jesus holds the crucible of suffering–
He knows that out of anguish cometh gain.

Your Saviour hears each fervent plea ascending;
He marks each scalding tear–each trying hour.
I KNOW HE KNOWS, for out of night’s long darkness
My eyes at last beheld faith’s perfect flower! 

I saw His hand fulfill that certain promise
That “they that sow in tears shall reap in joy, “
I saw the bonds of Satan break asunder—
The glory of the Lord transform a boy!

 

Come On In

     “These things we pray in the blessed name of our risen Lord, Jesus the Christ.  Amen.”

     The wizened old man looked up and smiled at the small group.  Diversity was the only commonality.  No, that’s not quite true.  Each face was radiant with a supernatural glow.  That, in addition to the diversity, made this little group truly intriguing.  But it was the leader I was most interested in.  He looked up, his eyes brimming with tears – not of sorrow, but of joy – and said, “Beloved, that will have to do for tonight.  We should not stay out too late these days.”

     Turning to a youngster sitting at his knee, he continued, “Marta, please blow out that candle before we open the door.”
     And with a puff from that small child, we were all cast into darkness.  I heard shuffling as those around me moved toward the door and departed.  I, however, was riveted.  I had to know more about what I’d just heard and seen.

     So I waited.

Will God Change His Mind – Part I

It was a terribly hot day, hotter than was normal for the region.  The old man sat in the shade of the great trees that were to be found scattered throughout the area.

His wife was also out of the sun, but was keeping herself busy in the tent.

He couldn’t really say where they came from but he was suddenly aware of the three men standing out in the heat.

“Please, gentlemen, come in out of the heat and allow me to share my provisions with you.”

They had to be hot. 

The First 100 Days

The importance of the first one hundred days of any new venture, whether it is a newly inaugurated President or Congress, the beginning of a new job, or any new plan of action and course of conduct, can be traced back to the days of the Great Depression and President Roosevelt.  Those days were days filled with uncertainty and turmoil and a new plan was needed in order for the country to survive and that new plan needed to be implemented quickly to stave off the internal strife and unrest that threatened the very fabric of our nation and its democratic form of government.

The new president entered his term of office with unmitigated zeal and unbridled enthusiasm and the first one hundred days saw a change of direction the benefits of which are still evident in society today.

This is an election year and the candidates are stumping around, rattling their respective sabers, making outlandish – and certainly, unkeepable – promises in order to secure the election.  But if you’ve paid attention in years past, those promises are rarely honored and we see, during the first one hundred days, that everything returns to business as usual.

I am so glad to be able to report that that is not the case with this life God has restored to me. 

Following

“Then all the disciples deserted Him and fled.” – Matthew 26:56b
“But Peter followed Him at a distance….” – Matthew 26:58a 

     At least he was following.  Peter was the big mouth – remind you of anyone you know?  He had big ideas and plans.  “Boisterous” described him to a tee.  Ready to go.  Anywhere – anytime.  Just ask him.

     As Jesus was finishing the Passover meal and outlining the upcoming events, Peter broke in with his extravagant promises.

     “I’ll follow you all the way.  You’ll not get rid of me. No Sir.  I’ll go with you to the death.”

     Remember?  Again….remind you of anyone?

     Then came the garden scene.  With sleep in their eyes and half-finished yawns, the little band of disciples is confronted by the Romans, Jewish religious leaders and Judas.  I can imagine the scene.  Jesus is so very calm, cool and collected.  Of course, He had the advantage – He knew what to expect.  The poor disciples were caught completely off guard.  Rocked back on their heels.  And, after Peter’s brief venture into the unknown, wielding a sword, an action which earned him Christ’s rebuke and had to have further confused the man, the disciples just seemed to melt into the night.

     So as the ear falls and the blood spurts and the guards recover from their paralysis of surprise, the mighty eleven scatter.

     Now Peter catches a lot of grief due to his following at a distance and the denial, as well he should.  But at least he was following.

     What about you?

     Fast forward a few days.  The scared, confused, disillusioned ones are fishing.  They didn’t know what else to do. Their whole world had just been shattered.

     But this morning was different.  The stranger on the beach who was no stranger.  The huge haul of fish that had been just over the side of the boat all night long.  The smell of fish cooking over an open fire.  Forgiveness awaiting the tired, humbled men.

     And the same question, asked three times that were really three very different questions.

     Peter’s answers.  The restoration.  And the statement, “Upon this rock I will build my church”.

     Do you see it – the significance for us?

     The Bible says that all have sinned and fallen way short.  That “all” includes Peter.  That “all” includes us.  But, thanks be to God, our Father, and His Son, Jesus Christ, we don’t have to stay “fallen”.  Regardless of what has gone before, we can be forgiven. We can be a Rock.

     “For I know the plans I have for you…..”

     The past is the past.  No amount of anguish or self-punishment can change it.  But with Christ’s help, in His strength, we can have a hope and a future.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

When He Reached Down His Hand For Me

I remember as a child just six years of age accompanying my father to Pittsburg on a business trip.  I was thrilled to see all the sights of the big city, the tall buildings, the big trucks, and throngs of people everywhere. 

But my delight soon turned to FRIGHT as Dad parked the car and we started to cross the street in the middle of the block to a nightmare of traffic.  Fear must have covered my face, because Dad reached down and took my hand, and guided me safely across to the other side. 

My father was not an affectionate man, for I never remembered him ever touching me or holding me other than that one incident.  BUT I HAVE NEVER FORGOTTEN, NOR WILL I EVER FORGET THAT SPECIAL DAY IN MY LIFE WHEN I WAS SO AFRAID, AND MY FATHER REACHED DOWN HIS HAND FOR MINE!  Since Dad is gone now, and I am grown, my HEAVENLY FATHER has reached down His hand for mine so many times when I have been desperate and alone.  I have remembered the Psalmist David saying, “When my mother and father forsake me, then the Lord will take me up.”  Psalm 27:10

     So Dads, reach out your hand of love, forgiveness, and understanding to that son or daughter and make an everlasting memory for them!  Please do it in Jesus’ name.

                                          “As for me and my house we will serve the Lord.”  Joshua 24:15                      -Pastor Bill

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During my years in prison, my father wrote articles for his monthly church newsletter.  They each touched my heart, and those of the members of his church during that time; so much so that I want to share them with you.  May God continue to use the words of my father to minister through these pages and this medium.

Hold On

“We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first!” Hebrews 3:14

     I’ve been trying to lift some weights, using my time wisely, and all that.  I figure if I sit in this prison for however many months and years without doing everything I can to better myself, then this time has been a waste.
     So I’m trying to build a little muscle.  Spending several hours a week pushing filthy pieces of iron around – pushing my body to its limit.  Beyond its limit at times.
     And, of course, there are plenty of recommendations, suggestions, advice, and, yes, criticism, available and stuffed down your throat regarding this weightlifting deal.  Everyone has an opinion and “the” program to build muscle faster, easier and quicker.
     Well, there’s nothing fast, easy or quick about this process.  It requires dedication, discipline and commitment.  I’ve been at it for three months and I would have to say that I’m not overly impressed with my progress.  But I’m not going to stop.  I have too much time and effort invested to quit now.
     One of my aspirations through this process is to be able to complete a set of 25 pull-ups.  Completely rested and fresh I may be able to manage 4 or 5, so I have a way to go.  A magazine article I read recently provided “quick and easy” steps to accomplish this goal.  The first step was to test yourself and make sure that you could grab an overhead bar and hang there for 60 seconds.
     No sweat, you think, anybody should be able to do that.  My response to that?  Try it!  The first time I did, I managed to hold on for 35 seconds.  Much more difficult than it sounds or even looks as I watched others do it.
     All of this was on my mind as I read my devotions this morning.  “We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first!” Hebrews 3:14
     I remembered my attempt to hold onto that bar.  During the first 10 seconds or so I felt strong and thought, “No sweat!”  But as the half minute mark approached and my hands began to ache and my forearms burned with the infusion of lactic acid, I quickly changed my tune.
     The longer I held on the harder it was to continue, until I finally was forced – by my own body – to relinquish my grasp.  How much like our walk of faith this is.  We begin to walk with our Lord and Savior and we think, “No sweat!”  But the longer a particular trial lasts – trials like prison terms or unemployment – the more we long for relief and release.  Do we have the ability to hang on?
     Not on our own.  Not in our own strength.  But the comforting realization is that we don’t have to be able to hold on to the problem.  We don’t even have to maintain our grip on Jesus.  The nail-scarred hands are holding us.
     Our job?  Trust Him and relax in His grasp.  By struggling and writhing around, we can wrench ourselves away from him.  Which reminds me of another of my favorite scriptures: “Be still, and know that I am God.”
     Relax and believe in God.  He who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

Resurrection Reality

With the commemoration of Palm Sunday – Passion Week and Resurrection Day fast approaching, we fix our attention on these powerful and meaningful events as they relate to our personal “SO GREAT SALVATION!”  Our finite minds cannot comprehend the colossal cost of human redemption!  As the song goes: 

Why should He love me so,
Why should He love me so?
Why did my Savior to Calvary go?
Why should He love me so? 

Yes, Christ was born to die that we might live, and His love for us motivated every agonizing experience of His life right up to His ascension, where His angels announced;  “Why stand ye gazing up into Heaven?  This same Jesus which is taken up from you into Heaven, shall so come in like manner, as ye have seen Him go into Heaven”  (Acts 1:11) 

So get ready to commemorate the LIFE,  DEATH, and RESURRECTION of our Lord and Savior, and our soon coming King of Kings!  

Pastor Bill                                                                                      

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During my years in prison, my father wrote articles for his monthly church newsletter.  They each touched my heart, and those of the members of his church during that time; so much so that I want to share them with you.  May God continue to use the words of my father to minister through these pages and this medium.

The First Paycheck

My first post-prison paycheck was deposited on December 1, 2007.  Quite a reality check.  After working all month – after working harder than during any other time in my life – the net pay deposited into my checking account seemed paltry by comparison to my former life.  Doing the math on the matter, it is quickly determined that I am now making less than ten percent of what I used to make.  A tithe.

It occurs to me that there is a message in this.  Before June of 2001, living with all the material possessions and blessings that the world seems to covet and strive for so, I was miserable, stressed out, financially strapped and mentally exhausted.  I was slowly killing myself to maintain the lifestyle to which I and my family had become accustomed and there was little to no satisfaction in life.  The money was good – great, in fact – but the trade off was far from a bargain.  I was no good to anyone other than as a provider of a paycheck.  I was no good to God for I was living like hell and hypocrite fails to adequately describe the divergence or my actions and my thoughts.

Now, seven years later, alone, broke, living in a rented house, driving a borrowed car, working as a janitor, far from just about everyone I love, I can testify that I have never been more at peace.  Never in my life have I experienced the joy and contentment I have at this moment.

God will – and is doing so – supply all my needs according to His boundless riches in glory. For the first time in my life I can report that I want what I have and I am so grateful for all that others so generously give.

Praise His Dear Name!

Could Life Be Any Better?

Could a day be any better?

Could I be any more grateful for my circumstances and surroundings?

Could I be any more aware of God’s working in my life?

The answer to all three has to be a resounding, “No!”

One month after the big day, and I was hyper-aware of the change in the circumstances and surroundings.  Riding around Memphis with my brother and nephew.  Breakfast at Waffle House with real stainless eating utensils, toast that had actually seen a toaster rather than just being stale bread, eggs over easy with the yolks runny just like I like it, sopping the yolk up with the toast, real Concord Grape jelly, and hashed browns made especially for me rather than mass produced by people who just didn’t care.

Our errands of the day took us next door to a Starbucks and I had to have some.  Better than even the grocery store brands, and worlds away from the instant swill I was stuck with just a month ago, each swallow was enjoyed – savored – and the awareness rushed in upon me again.

Back to the house and a hot shower and shave later and I was in the car headed to Pizza Hut to meet my boys.  As we were eating the large Pepperoni Lover’s and Ultimate Supreme pizzas with a not-so-healthy bucket full of Dr. Pepper, I reminded the guys where we were exactly one month before – eating our first meal together at the Texas Roadhouse.

After the pizzas were demolished, we ended up at Barnes & Noble and another Starbucks and comfortable chairs in a quiet atmosphere and an hour and a half disappeared as we laughed and generally acted stupid for those precious minutes.

So when the questions are asked or when someone inquires about my day…….I am so blessed.  That really sums it up.

Voice Of The Spirit

And it came to pass, in the fullness of His time, that on the morning of the 13^th of November, 2007, as the day dawned and I began the morning process of getting ready for work, the Spirit’s work was about to be made known.  My work schedule had been arranged to allow me to leave for the day at two o’clock and, as I pulled out of the parking lot of the church and turned right to head to what would soon be my new address, I still had no idea how heavily involved the Holy Spirit was in this one situation of life.

I firmly believe that the Father and the Son and the Spirit move in and through and among us constantly to guide and direct and correct and nurture us.  But to experience it in the fashion of this day is something extraordinary – exciting…..even humbling.

I met the property manager after work and picked up a key to the house.  The third trip from the motel to the house moving some of my belongings put me at the new place just before I was to meet the property manager and the landlord there to sign the lease so I stayed and waited.

The landlord pulled up a few minutes early and, as I walked outside to meet him, I had this sense that I had met him before – somewhere in my former life.  He was friendly, easy to talk to and had an openness that I perceived immediately.  In short, we seemed to hit it off from the jump.

After the lease signing and the general conversation, the property manager left and the two of us were alone outside when he shared his concern about me.  All day he had been plagued with uneasiness over leasing his house and forming this relationship with a felon.  He knew some of my history.  He didn’t know me and so, in the absence of information, substituted the stereotypical convict in that mental picture and put my name on it.

As he drove to the meeting that night he had prayed for God to somehow give him a peace about the matter and to speak to his spirit as to whether this should be done or not.  As he pulled into the driveway and I walked out to meet him, he was expecting long hair, tattoos, piercings, and attitude.  Of course, none of that really applied (thank goodness I had cut my hair) and he reported to me that at that moment the Spirit of God gave him the peace for which he had prayed.

The Voice of the Spirit.  The Hand of the Father.  The love and provision of the Son.  What a triple threat to have on our side.  Praise His Name.

The Birth Of A Child That Caused A Storm

     “Unto you is born this day…..A Saviour which is Christ the Lord.”  (Luke 2:11)      
     “Then Herod, when he saw that he was mocked…was exceeding wroth, and sent forth, and slew all the children,…from two years old and under…”(Matt. 2:16)
     Imagine!  He, of whom was prophesied by Isaiah to be the “Prince of Peace”, (Isaiah 9:6) would cause such a STORM of death and upheaval!  But remember He said of Himself, “Suppose ye that I am come to give PEACE on earth?  I tell you, nay; but rather DIVISION;  For from henceforth there shall be five in one house divided, three against two, and two against three.  The father shall be divided against the son, and the son against the father, and the mother against the daughter, and the daughter against the mother….”(Luke 12:51-53)    
     Truly He is the “Prince of Peace”, “therefore being justified by faith we have Peace with God, through JESUS CHRIST OUR LORD.”  (Romans 5:1)  But not only is He the “ROCK OF AGES”, but also the “ROCK OF OFFENSE”.    
     Here on the approaching birthday of our Saviour – A day of celebration called CHRISTMAS for hundreds of years;  Christianity is under siege by the spirit of the ANTI-CHRIST that seeks to rob us of the God-given right and privilege of singing Christmas carols in school pageants and on our courthouse lawns and wishing the entire world, MERRY CHRISTMAS!    
     “For unto us a child is born, unto us a son is given, and the government shall be upon His shoulder, and His name shall be called WONDERFUL, COUNSELOR, THE MIGHTY GOD, THE EVERLASTING FATHER, THE PRINCE OF PEACE! (Isaiah 9:6)      
     A child was born named Jesus, our Saviour and coming King, but BECAUSE OF HIS VERY NAME a storm rages across America and the nations of earth such as we have never seen in our lifetime.  Here in America groups like THE AMERICAN CIVIL LIBERTIES UNION and THE AMERICANS UNITED FOR THE SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE and state have fallaciously convinced educators that even the most rudimentary mention of CHRISTMAS (OR CHRIST) IS ILLEGAL!  These organizations thumb their noses at our nation’s heritage of respect and appreciation of Christianity.  THEIR AGENDA TO PURGE GOD FROM AMERICA IS A NATIONAL CRIME!    
     By the way, since Christmas day falls on Sunday this year, many churches across America are closing their doors in order to spend the day in family celebration!  Are we not sending a mixed message to this storm battered, war-ravaged world?  Is this not a choice between the material and the spiritual?  God will bless those homes that “SEEK FIRST the kingdom of God and His righteousness and ALL THESE THINGS  will be added unto you.”  (Matt. 6:33)           
     See you in church at 11:00 am Christmas Day, and by the way, MERRY CHRISTMAS!      - Pastor Bill 

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During my years in prison, my father wrote articles for his monthly church newsletter.  They each touched my heart, and those of the members of his church during that time; so much so that I want to share them with you.  May God continue to use the words of my father to minister through these pages and this medium.

Blood For Life – God’s Covenant

For your own lifeblood I will surely require a reckoning: from every animal I will require it and from human beings, each one for the blood of another, I will require a reckoning for human life. “As for me, I am establishing my covenant with you and your descendants after you…”  Genesis 9:5, 9 

We have a covenant-making God – One Who can be trusted. 

At the very beginning of time He initiated the requirement for blood sacrifice for the atonement of sin.   Blood had to be shed to pay sins’ penalty.  When the sin of man became too great for Him to endure, He sent the great flood to obliterate all life on the earth – all but that of the godly Noah and his family.

After the ark was reopened and the voyagers released from their floating home, He made a promise and put a bow in the sky to seal that promise with a visual sign.  Never again would the earth be destroyed by water and He has kept that promise.

When the repetitive offerings required by the law became burdensome and ineffectual, He graciously sent His Son to be the “Once and For All” blood sacrifice to, like the ark of old, save all the people in the world.  And this same Jesus, with a radiance that will pale the most vivid rainbow, will come again from heaven to take us home, once and for all.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

Good or Best?

^“…and Abel for his part brought of the firstlings of his flock, their fat portions. And the LORD had regard for Abel and his offering,…”  Genesis 4:4

One brother brought a gift from his excess.  One brought a gift of his best. 

Reminds me of a credit card statement.  These things come in every month and offer a choice.  I can choose to pay the minimum payment and live under the rule of debt or I can sacrifice and give from the deeper pocket and strip that burden from my life.

Through this time I have reaped the benefits of a lifetime of choosing not to deal with the minimums when dealing with God.  Even though I fell away from Him and chose the wrong life path for a while, He has protected and provided even here. 

Give of your best to the Master.  You’ll never be sorry you did for you will surely pass through the deep waters at various stages of life and you will need His protection and provision, regardless of how self-reliant you may feel at the moment.

Deep waters….I’ve been through some pretty impressive floods these past years.  And He has been true to His Word: my troubles have not overwhelmed me.  By and through Him, I will overcome this thing, living under His control, in His plan and because of His forgiveness and gracious forgetfulness.

He didn’t wait with crossed arms and a scowl on His face.  Mercy came running to this prodigal.  The prisoner of sin has been set free!

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For more Ponderings, click here.

God Is In Control

And God said, “Let there be lights in the dome of the sky to separate the day from the night; and let them be for signs and for seasons and for days and years, and let them be lights in the dome of the sky to give light upon the earth.” And it was so.  And God saw that it was good.  Gen. 1:14-15, 18b

In the beginning God was in control.  Complete control.  He set the world on its axis and spun it by willing it to happen.  All creation was under His control and everything still is. 

But the ultimate evidence of the extent and completeness of His control came from His relinquishment of that control to His creation.  He created the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil and set in down in the middle of His garden.  And He considered it a good thing. 

And by this act of His will He gave us a choice.  He gave us the ability to embrace and accept Him or to shun and ignore Him. 

As the new year starts and the unmarred days of a fresh year unfurl before us, what choice will we make?  Remember Who is in control.  We may have the choice but the end of the story has already been written.  It was written before the first created thing was spoken into existence.  We already know Who wins. 

So choose wisely.

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For more Ponderings, click here.

Job Interview

During my time at the facility in Nashville, I was introduced to Cornerstone Church – via television – by a fellow inmate.  The pastor, a former inmate himself, was very open and frank about his crime, his conviction, and his incarceration.  I enjoyed their services (limited only to the preaching portion of the services) and planned to visit the church upon my release to take in the entire package.

This church and that intention was pushed far to the back after my relocation to West Tennessee.

Several weeks before my release from the “gated community”, my Nashville friend made contact with the pastor of the church, Maury Davis, and made inquiries about any assistance the church could offer me to help in my reintroduction into society.  My friend, overwhelmed by the sincerity and kindness of this man, told me of the pastor’s offer to hire me as part of the janitorial staff there at the church and of other possible assistance once he had met with me and determined needs and abilities.

Armed with this assurance, on my first morning in Nashville, I made my way to the church in an attempt to meet with this man of God, and, after being informed that both Pastor Davis and the administrative pastor were out of town, met with the Facilities Manager – the man who would turn out to be my boss.  After a short interview, I was told to report for work the following morning.

And just like that, due to the heart of a pastor, the outreach of a church, the sensitivity and care of a friend, and the overarching leading of a compassionate God, one of the most difficult hurdles confronting a newly released felon – employment – was behind me and an income stream provided.

Thank you, Lord!

Into The Unknown

And so it is that, after only a week of visits, adjustments, good food and comfortable, familiar surroundings, on Halloween morning, with my borrowed car loaded to the gills with most of my earthly belongings, I strike out from Memphis and head east up Interstate 40.  My first stop is set for I have a small contingent of friends in Nashville – dear friends who have believed in and supported me during these years of absence, who have managed my business and personal needs with such a calm and easy manner that I never once felt that I was an imposition or bother to them.  They were – and are – shining examples of the faithful servants of whom Jesus spoke for I was in prison and they cared for me, and I was in need and they provided for me.  They have ministered to me as unto Christ and for them I am so very grateful.  They found my first stop for me and so I aim the car toward Hendersonville, Tennessee, a village just north of and adjacent to Nashville, and another extended stay hotel there.

I know there are worse things than being alone in the world, but those 200 miles of Interstate were long and lonely.  Certainly never thought I would be in this position.  Even during the years away there was always a different plan in place – a plan that fizzled out at the very end of the thing.

Alone.  Unemployed.  Broke.  In a borrowed car.  I throw myself upon the mercies and in to the care of my Saviour.  Why are we so afraid to do that?  Why do we feel we have to have every little detail of life figured out?

He has a plan.  He hasn’t brought me this far to fail me now.  What better place in the world to be than helpless and in His care?

Friends, Favors & Football

It’s October 26th and looking back just a few short weeks – even a few days ago, in fact – I’m amazed at how skewed my perception of reality was. About so many things, but regarding transportation options in particular, I was deluded as to what life would be like outside the fence.
The morning of my first full day of freedom, and thanks to my father and step-father and their combined generosity, I walked the half mile between my hotel and the Enterprise location and drove away in a small sedan. It was expensive. It was a band aid. And yet even then I didn’t fully appreciate that fact. Just days earlier I had been looking through the paper planning which car I would buy and, after 2 days in the rental and a serious reality check, I realized that I might as well plan on buying the space shuttle as try to afford a car right now.
What was I going to do?  How was I going to move about, see my boys, and work without transportation?
What was I worried about? Was God not at work and in control?
Of course He was and today a dear friend handed me the keys to an extra vehicle and told me to use it for as long as I needed.
What a blessing. What a friend. What a favor. What a God.
So it was in my newly borrowed car and with a very grateful heart that I parked in the high school parking lot and witnessed my children perform with their marching band during the last football game of the season.
Everything has its season and I sure am enjoying this one.

A New Endeavor

Always exciting but also intimidating, a new project or endeavor yields a wonderful and strange mix of emotions and feelings.  That queasy sensation in the pit of your stomach that is occasionally welcomed and sometimes dreaded.  I had that feeling when I opened my own law firm.  I had the same wonderful and simultaneuously sickening feeling during my wife’s first pregnancy – the one with the twins.  In a much different way, the same mix of fear and wonderment were there when I was arrested and taken to jail for I knew, even in those first hours, that the end of the road I was now on lay far into the future and the outcome was largely – almost totally - out of my control.

So it is with this stange mix of feelings that I embark upon this venture.  Some may read these pages as they are in the midst of trials similar to mine.  Others may find these pages while they are in the early forays onto the roads that led me to where I am today.

Which ever situation best fits your circumstance, may God use these pages to provide help and encouragement, correction where it is needed,  and a knowledge that you are not alone in this journey and that His love will never fail you.

I welcome your comments.  I covet your prayers.  I am grateful for it all.