This was the second letter I received from my Dad during those days of lock-down in the Shelby County jail, but it was – and is – one of those incredible and wonderful works of art filled with all the love and encouragement that a father could pack into one after he had traveled some of the very roads I had trod.
He knew better than anyone what I was going through and what was facing me in the short-term as well as the long-term. The short-term would not be pretty or enjoyable, but the reward, if I stayed true to God and followed His plan, would be something beautiful that would be nothing short of miraculous.
Even now, with Dad gone on to Heaven, this letter still speaks to me. I hope it will resonate with you as well.
Monday, August 13, 2001
My Dear Son –
I have written to you dozens of times – but just can’t get it on paper. I bleed for you until there is no blood left.
I know I deserve all of this, but it doesn’t make it any easier. After “preaching to others” I became a “castaway”. I have lived with this torment, and will until my last breath. Realizing that I have failed others – even my own family – has been more than I can bear. (See? Me, too!)
King David got caught in that powerful trap and fell to the bottom of shame and failure. History states that he lived in a cave for years – so beaten and overwhelmed was he over his downfall.
Then he fell a second time, this time it was before the Lord! The church and the world have been blessed ever since by the heartbroken cry of the 51st Psalm. Millions have found their way back to God by reciting the words of that prayer. That prayer would never have been written had David not failed. “Where sin abounds, grace doth much more abound.” David rose above his failure and helped millions through the ages, but the cloud of sorrow and suffering remained with him until he died.
His enemies never forgave him. The Psalms written after his downfall breathe with his torment caused by the “back-biters” and “wagging heads”.
His own son organized a rebellion and fought against his father – later dying hanging from a tree limb shot through with arrows. David cried out, “Absalom, would God I had died for thee!”
David committed adultery and murder yet God forgave him – he served again, perhaps in a greater way than had he not failed. But he suffered as a result of his sin until his death.
The sins of the parents are passed on to the children. “The parents eat sour grapes and the children’s teeth are set on edge.” So true!
Then the parents grieve and weep! We cry loud and long, “I wish I had done things differently! What was wrong with me? Why did I do those stupid, foolish things?”
Sadly there is no going back. What has been done is final and fixed forever! At least in that sense of the word.
There are not only 12 steps in recovery, but also 12 promises. (I had no confidence or appreciation for the 12 steps until one day during a lull at the Harbor, I found a little booklet in one of the desk drawers in which someone asked Dr. Bob – a medical doctor and co-founder of AA – where they got the 12 steps, and if he wrote them. He replied, “No, neither Bill nor I wrote the steps…” They asked, “Well, where did you get them, where did they come from?” Dr. Bob – now an old man – replied, “For years in the early days of AA Recovery, Bill and I would sit for hours through the night reading the Holy Bible – the Gospels, Corinthians, the Book of James, the Psalms – we didn’t have to GET the 12 steps. We already had them!”)
WOW! Did that ever make a difference in my attitude and thinking! (I was 2 years sober.)
Then I discovered that the church has accepted the 12 steps. It’s called “Overcomer’s Anonymous,” and is endorsed by Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family.
Anyway, they hit me with that first step: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable.
The first step is the only step where alcohol is mentioned. The other 11 steps tell how to get out of the trap.
Other groups have endorsed the 12 steps and leave only a blank where “alcohol” is written. So it’s “powerless over _______.”
For years while in the ministry, I would go out in the woods or cemeteries and scream out to God for deliverance. I would pray, “Deliver me or kill me!” Neither would happen.
Years into recovery it dawned on me – “God only works through people – Human instrumentality!” God used physical demonstrations of His power in the Old Testament. The parting of the Red Sea, the Bread and Quail from Heaven, the Burning Bush, etc. People still rebeled and went astray.
Then God said, “I’ve got to go down there among them and touch them and love them and die for them.
So we had Bethlehem and Christmas and a young man that gathered the crowds of simple, hurting, discouraged people around him and spoke to them in simple language that they understood. About the fields of flowers and the changing of the weather. He ate with them and touched them; He healed and blessed them and entered into their sorrows and pain. He taught them a new way of thinking and living…..then He died for them!
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